Work!

So was the 1st Annual Charlie McGraw Land Cruise cursed from the start?

The event which was to take place down in Warwick at a marina this year was subjected to the first full day of rain that we’ve received in Rhode Island this month. This obviously sucks because nobody wants to sit and eat a half-pound lobster tail in the rain — however, those planning the benefit were at least smart enough to allow for a rain date the following week, should such shitty weather occur. So we get up Sunday afternoon like everyone else and look outside and it’s raining, and so we ditched our plans to venture to Warwick and begin looking forward to the rain date next Sunday on the 29th. Honest, we were totally going to go! After the shit that went down last year, how could we resist?!

So obviously on a rainy Sunday we get caught up with Facebook and TV and whatnot, and by 4pm we start seeing little notes pop up about the AIDS Care benefit in Warwick, including a few pictures of the event looking not so hot…

So they went on and had the event anyway? So then what’s in store for the people who bought tickets and stayed home in order to attend this fundraiser next week? Will there be TWO 1st Annual Charlie McGraw land cruises?!

One thing’s for sure, these fund-raising power-houses are likely to do anything to keep from actually losing money on this thing, so watch out for the bullshit creative solutions to be employed in order to at least break even!

We got this Bitch Button in our inbox this afternoon, and rather than recap on something that we didn’t actually see happen, we’ll just re-post it for you in its entirety since it seems to sum up the situation pretty well on its own!

So Brian Dorr is barred from alley cat and dark lady. Brian threw ice at Casey the bartender from DL and Casey went off on Brian. He told him that he was barred from alley cat and Dark lady!!

Okay, first of all this is just hilarious, and we really would have loved to see our pal Casey give the Little Dorr the business — and after some analysis, it seems reasonable to comment a little further. You see, the story goes like this; Mirabar matriarch John Dorr supposedly banned our buddy Matt White from entering Mirabar (after firing him), claiming that it would be better if Matt White was banned from Mirabar’s damaging social environment so that he didn’t turn out like Paul Murphy. Take a minute to absorb that, then chuckle.

Well, it seems to us that Papa John should look a little closer to home to find the Real Messes of Mirabar (hey, that sounds like a show…) and be sure to take some very for-your-own-good preventative measures!

Okay, we’ll just save you the trouble. Wanna see another one that used to live around here? CLICK HERE.

Okay, so it’s been over two weeks since our last post, and quite a lot has happened in Providence!

You know it, we know it, the wigs know it.

Unfortunately since our ongoing time line is kind of shot, we’re just going to start anywhere. And the first thing that comes to mind is The Litter! Mostly because we saw her puttering around Club Hell last night during a quick visit with Miss Sarah Beyers & one Jackie Grenga over a drink served up by the lovely LaDiva Jonz. While there, we remarked how Club Hell just never seems to have trouble drawing people, adding to what Mr. Chris Harris told us years ago about Hell being the most profitable night spot in the entire city by far (sales vs. square footage). So Beyers chatted with Litter for a while before we headed off to watch another summertime FailRetro at Mirabar.

The reason we bring up the Litter is because she’s been running around the city over the last few weeks claiming that she’s taking a break from the scene for a while to concentrate on personal matters, which is probably a good idea. We’re all sick of looking at her same old head shots pasted into various block party and event posters, all featuring that time-honored, ancient battle cry “all donations go to benefit ACOS”. Of course she’ll still be around for special events and whatnot, because cash flow can’t be totally halted, obviously. She even went so far as to make some grand announcement claiming all of the above last week at the Trailer Park Block Party, and making a special point about how there’s a rumor that she had a big blow-out with Dark Lady’s Rande over some such nonsense, and that it was “100% not the reason” for her going into hiding. Not that we cared about any of that, all of that sappy goodbye shit doesn’t work on us, and the whole speech resulted in a few golf claps anyway.

But why even bring up a fight between the Litter and the Lady? And in front of the few all of those people present? Why even bother?

Well, probably because it was true! We won’t go into specifics, because as usual, time will tell. Let’s see how much more involved Kitty will be over at Mirabar in the next few weeks, fundraising (always fundraising) and MCing and so on. We say that her hiatus is only from Dark Lady, not the scene, and that operations are moving to le Mirabar for the forseeable future. Just watch!

Okay bitches, this has just gotten completely ridiculous.

We’ve read a lot of your comments lately about poor Ryan Haxton living back in the area working silly restaurant jobs and whatnot, which is all now called into question — because it’s clear he’s marching forward out west… trudging deeper into the world of niche fetish porn!

He’s done pee porn, smoking porn — and now foot porn! (it’s very dramatic)

See for yourself by CLICKING HERE, and if you can manage to return to Bitchidence.com, having forgiven us for exposing you to such bizarre nonsense, maybe you can fill us in on what the fuck a “footjob” is!

Thanks to our faithful Bitch Buttoners, and viva la Jayden!

Poor New Dark Lady! The place hasn’t even opened its doors yet and already it’s suffering from an infestation… of the Fat Scott kind! We heard this crazy story from a reliable source that Mr. Birchall, having been employed by our two favorite Dark Lady owners to complete necessary electrical work in the building, has fallen on some hard times and taken up residence INSIDE!

So you’re outside Alleycat and you kinda see something moving through that frosted Dark Lady glass, then you think you feel eyes moving all over your body, Clarise? Well you probably do!

Seriously though, let’s look to Buck and Rande’s good nature and hope to Litter that this isn’t true.

But if it is, you’re gonna need more than RAID to get rid of that pest, honey! (the jokes about this one are just endless)

Let’s be serious people, as we’ve all learned over the last couple years, pretty much anyone can do porn! This creates the distinction between real porn stars, and what we can safely and simply refer to as porn “people”. You know, the real-life everyday people of porn!

CLICK HERE to watch another one of our locals get tag-teamed by old people — there’s even a quick cameo by this year’s RI Pride parade! Hey, you could be in porn too!

Viva la porn people!

Left: A Michael Jackson/Gollum of Lord of the Rings Trilogy photoshopped hybrid
Right: Union’s bartender, Jay (Monday thru Wednesday)

Whoa! This is NOT ok! Good thing it’s dark in there!

Our messing around with our categories has finally led to the creation of sub-categories!

Exciting? Fuck no!

Useful? Well, you decide.