As in any competition, there are those who lose. Or, at best, they do not win.

Try as they might, someone else snatches that damn tiara despite all of the hard work and diligent preparation that went into an effort to win. And then sometimes they don’t try at all — as was the case with a few of the contestants at the Triple Crown Pageant last night. Take for example, the performance of one Mr. Gay RI contestant whose talent, apparently, was arranging furniture. With Will Smith’sMen In Black playing, the audience watched him unroll a rug onto the stage, then set up three stools — disappearing behind the curtain to retrieve them one at a time — then he strolled around them for three minutes with a red scarf until the song ended. You know, in hanky-language, a red scarf means he’s into fisting… What did we get out of this performance? One boy, three stools. One of the judges actually wrote down “WTF” while watching this. We began to be unsure just what to expect for the rest of the show…

Over the next couple of hours, we saw weak political statements, capes, sequins, and enough lip syncing to last a lifetime. Indeed, one of the only people who actually sang live was the winning Mr. Gay Rhode Island, Scotty2Hotty (exactly what kind of name is that? Besides a pro wrestler’s), which deserves recognition. The most entertaining moments though, took place in between the performances with Ms. Kitty Litter ordering drinks from the stage (and plugging Bitchidence.com!) and conducting sleazy banter with Miss Gay RI 2008 Jackie DiMera, who couldn’t seem to smack Kitty up any further beyond old-age jokes. It all got funnier as they (and we) drank though, naturally.

Another great moment came with Sarah Beyers‘s performance as Madonna with Parrys Hampton as Britney and Jenna St. James as Christina reenacting an MTV Video Music Awards show. They matched the original, iconic choreography step for step, and even seemed to triumph over the conceptual cluster-fuck of a man (Sarah) dressed up as a woman playing a woman (Madonna) dressed up as a man.