Okay, so it’s been over two weeks since our last post, and quite a lot has happened in Providence!

You know it, we know it, the wigs know it.

Unfortunately since our ongoing time line is kind of shot, we’re just going to start anywhere. And the first thing that comes to mind is The Litter! Mostly because we saw her puttering around Club Hell last night during a quick visit with Miss Sarah Beyers & one Jackie Grenga over a drink served up by the lovely LaDiva Jonz. While there, we remarked how Club Hell just never seems to have trouble drawing people, adding to what Mr. Chris Harris told us years ago about Hell being the most profitable night spot in the entire city by far (sales vs. square footage). So Beyers chatted with Litter for a while before we headed off to watch another summertime FailRetro at Mirabar.

The reason we bring up the Litter is because she’s been running around the city over the last few weeks claiming that she’s taking a break from the scene for a while to concentrate on personal matters, which is probably a good idea. We’re all sick of looking at her same old head shots pasted into various block party and event posters, all featuring that time-honored, ancient battle cry “all donations go to benefit ACOS”. Of course she’ll still be around for special events and whatnot, because cash flow can’t be totally halted, obviously. She even went so far as to make some grand announcement claiming all of the above last week at the Trailer Park Block Party, and making a special point about how there’s a rumor that she had a big blow-out with Dark Lady’s Rande over some such nonsense, and that it was “100% not the reason” for her going into hiding. Not that we cared about any of that, all of that sappy goodbye shit doesn’t work on us, and the whole speech resulted in a few golf claps anyway.

But why even bring up a fight between the Litter and the Lady? And in front of the few all of those people present? Why even bother?

Well, probably because it was true! We won’t go into specifics, because as usual, time will tell. Let’s see how much more involved Kitty will be over at Mirabar in the next few weeks, fundraising (always fundraising) and MCing and so on. We say that her hiatus is only from Dark Lady, not the scene, and that operations are moving to le Mirabar for the forseeable future. Just watch!

So this Saturday at the Dark Lady, you will have the opportunity to attend The Litter’s annual Christmas In July fundraiser. Now you may remember the feelings we took away from this party last year, and this year we have no choice but to expect more of the same. Don’t get us wrong, we are all for a mid-summer fundraiser to boost revenue for all parties during a time of year that notoriously lacks in cash flow, but Christmas In July AGAIN? The first time, sure. The second time? Sure, but weird. But we are now into at least the 5th or 6th of these abominations and it’s starting to give us the feeling we get when we drive past one of those houses that keeps their Christmas tree up all year long — it’s just plain Michael Jackson creepy (too soon?). We have a feeling that The Litter got this idea from the Home Shopping Network (which you’ll notice is currently in the middle of their own “Christmas In July” sale), and no doubt where she buys a lot of the costume jewelry she wears.

Plus, repeating it doesn’t strengthen a cherished tradition, it beats a dead Santa Claus horse, and the heavy red and green deco in the summer reminds us of a dark, dank, tacky lake house — like if we decided to hold a Christmas celebration in a moldy basement. Then there’s the drag costumes — because none of them have more than two or three bright red and green gowns, we now get to see the same ones in the summer and the winter, and nobody even looks good in those colors anyway! Seriously bitches, there’s really nothing at all attractive about this.

So what to do, you ask? Well, if they really can’t think too far away from the silly Christmas theme, how about New Years? White lights and champagne never go out of style, or maybe a Thanksgiving thing (which is probably a little more in line with the concept of charity anyway). Honestly, we don’t really care — just switch it up! It’s confusing the old people who have trouble enough remembering what year it is!

So it’s been a couple weeks since our last post, which is almost unheard of, but we figured it was time to let you bitches know that we aren’t floating in a scum-topped pond in Scituate or something equally as wretched by the hands of the Axis of Evil. If that little reference needs any explanation then just look at our last three weeks.

It’s just been hot! Who wants to sit in front of a computer screen and write this crap when there’s sun to soak up and mojitos to down? Moreover, who wants to read this crap when there’s sun to soak up and mojitos to down?!

Not us! But we still find ourselves downtown several nights a week, and therefor still see the bullshit that takes place on a nightly basis. Take for example, Dark Lady’s presentation of the “Queen of Adult Southern Comedy”, Savannah Georgia. Apparently she’s touring, and the show is meant to be “uncensored”, as though there’s someone out there censoring foul-mouthed drag shows… well, maybe in the South. Anyway, very little of it was original content, comprised mostly of cultural parodies of songs by the likes of Lady Gaga and Madonna. The trouble is at the Dark Lady, we’ve heard most of what she “performed”, completely neutralizing any shock or surprise impact that the parody may have ever had to begin with. And on that subject, if you are a local drag queen performer (or not local, this is pretty universal) do not perform parodied popular songs for laughs unless you can guarantee-positively-100% that nobody has ever heard it before! Don’t you realize that Faviana lip syncs all of the words back to you when you’re up there dying on stage because nobody’s laughing?! But we digress…

So this bitch, Savannah Georgia is up there performing just about every cultural parody that she can get Limewire to download (including a particularly painful and bizarre 20th Century TV theme song parody medley, no joke), and while she don’t really know the words exactly (isn’t she “touring” with this material?), the real horror is when she speaks between the songs — it wasn’t her deep, powerful voice (a probably very capable voice if she used it in a performance), it was her treatment of the crowd! You know when The Litter singles you out and while you feel kind of belittled and a little pissed off after, you can basically drink it off pretty quickly. Well when Mzz Georgia sets her sights on you, it’s like being eyed by some rapey clown, and you’re repulsed in the place deep down that made you cry when you sat on Santa’s lap in the mall. Maybe that’s harsh… No, no that’s about right.

The only way to remedy this, of course, was for Ada Adore and our girl Whitney to go to Therapy later that night. Now it took a little effort to get in, on account of being Cape Verdean night (which has never stopped us before, we like it!) because just about every door-person and security man on the way in felt compelled to remind us that it was Cape Verdean night, and that there was no “techno” to be played. We decided with Ada that it was because we were white (and because Ada was sort of white). So we take refuge in the old DJ booth tower for a while to chill with Tony T, the lighting guy (who, incidentally, setup all of the lighting for us at Colosseum last year), and around 4am a fashion show breaks out. Now we’ve been to a lot of fashion shows, but we’ve never seen one start at 4am, it was like Prince’s fashion show or something. So we leave the tower to go get a closer look, and these curvy (really curvy) black and latin chicks are modeling the most ghetto-ass, blinged-out swimwear you can imagine. Obviously it wasn’t meant to be gotten wet, more to be used in a bikini contest somewhere, or removed by R. Kelly in a music video. We all voiced approval.

Left: The Litter in some tent during the Providence Pride celebration, courtesy of nighttimez.com.
Right: the iconic Dorothea Lange photograph, Migrant Mother

Cheer up, Litter!

Left: Seante Sasha on Saturday night
Right: Britney Spears at the 2007 VMAs

Don’t hold back girl, those fireworks is legal now!

Fat Scott and The Litter (a.k.a. our fan club) acting chummy at Dark Lady’s Friday night pride block party.

What a diabolical pair! But what do you think these two have in common?

UPDATE: We now have it from a reliable source that Kitty was attempting to get Fat Scott drunk enough to come over to us that night and start shit!

That Litter sure is crafty!

Okay, so last Sunday (in addition to our weekly Sunday at State — plug, plug, plug) was the annual Miss Gay Pride Pageant, sponsored of course by RI Pride, and probably to benefit AIDS Care Ocean State. Anyway, it took place at Mirabar this year, ever since everyone decided to stop doing events at Gallery (because it’s a dismal, industrial-looking franken-ant-farm of a space) — which is fine by us since Mirabar’s 3rd floor space is beautiful and its killer sound system remains underused.

We didn’t go so we can’t say much, but what we do know is that some fat bitch (whose identity we still do not know) from Massachusetts won the title against several drag messes that were at least from here and participated regularly in the local scene. Now we’re sure that there are no rules that bar anyone from participating based on where they’re from — but shouldn’t there be? Shouldn’t Miss Gay Pride RI actually be from Rhode Island?

If some unknown drag queen from a foreign land swoops in and beats out every local contestant, exactly what does that say about our pride in Rhode Island if we’re happy to have it represented by someone who had to drive five hours to get here?

Thoughts?

So in case you’re unaware on account of being uninterested, or just plain uncool, we’re currently in the middle of Providence’s Style Week!

What the hell is that, you ask?

Well it’s basically Providence’s answer to Boston or New York Fashion Week, or any other “fashion week” that takes place around the world — although we have a feeling that Providence’s is called “style week” on account of some legality. But whatever, it’s a great chance for some super-bitchy fashion people to gather together in a series of events, and for us to bask in it! The bitchiness, we mean.

So far it’s been a blast though. We got in touch with Style Week’s founder, Rosanna, because Sunday’s after-party was at State and ran right into our Sunday weekly party at State. Since then, Rosanna’s been super and given us everything needed for a fabulous time — including seats at all of the invite-only shows. We showed up a little early to our night at State on Sunday, only to find the place swarming with lots of pretty and well-dressed people, none of which we knew and all of which knew one another. But they all warm up the more we see them!

Monday afternoon we took our girl Ada and ex-Trixx dancer Devon to the Lucille and Mendoza shows at the Renaissance Hotel, got there early for cocktail hour and made it a priority to make ourselves more comfortable with liquor. Then once in the shows, we were able to join Ada in critiquing the the designers’ collections — which we were surprisingly good at (we should be, we do have a fine arts degree for fuck’s sake). We’re going to spare you our thoughts, but Ada did decide that we’re going to collaborate on creating a fashion collection for next year. We’re going to assume that Ada would be doing most of the work, while we’d just concentrate on cutting holes in convenient places to maximize sluttiness…

Tuesday we showed up back at the Renaissance Hotel, which by the way does not have the best event space setup, for the Yellow Clover and MadMOIselle shows. Yellow Clover by Sarah Proust was fantastic and MadMOIselle just wasn’t finished and had seams and strings everywhere. We do not have expertise in fashion design, but even we could see it — not good! So now we’re watching closely for split seams and whatnot, and who do we spot across the runway? Parrys Hampton herself… and her little dog too! Who knew she was into fashion???

Kidding! We actually had a lot of fun with her and her dog between the shows over a glass of wine (three actually).
Up later this week we have another show with Ada at Hotel Providence and then the Jonathan Peters show on Saturday!

Meanwhile today, RI Pride is attempting their own version of a fashion show (an underwear fashion show, because us gays are equipped to appreciate little else) poolside at the Regency hosted by Jackie DiMera and Haley Star. Poolside in the rain! We’re also certain that they’re making damn sure to parade poor Mr. Gay RI, Ben Huber in his underwear by the pool for all he’s worth… that’s what they get for biting off of Style Week with some tasteless drag-driven strip show!

You betta work!

So local drag icon and fundraising queen Miss Kitty Litter simply refuses to stop making an ass of herself. Okay, that’s not really new — and the ways in which that simple fact manifests itself are endless, but hey, when it throws itself in our face, we form opinions!

Take our latest example — third floor of Mirabar at the bar with Haley Star and the lovely LaDiva Jonz. Kitty lurking by the bar, wrecked off of Irish cream, suddenly begins berating us with F-bombs and other nonsense! We could have only hoped she had a mic handy so that the other half of the room could have heard the tirade. Something about being a scumbag piece of shit something something… So we spent the rest of the night trying to figure out what brought this about — we haven’t posted any pictures of her crotch online in like a year!

Then today it hit us! Military Ball was a benefit for AIDS Care Ocean State! And it’s clear that Kitty was not impressed with our luke-warm reception of the event — this type of Litter-fallout is exactly what happened when we wrote that her Christmas In July party last year sucked (which is universally agreed to have been the truth).

You just can’t criticize The Litter!

Left: Maureen DeLoreto, 2010 Miss Lesbian RI contestant
Right: Mrs. Doubtfire