So last night RI Pride‘s Triple Crown Pageant 2010 took place at the Hi-Hat in Providence’s Davol Square. As you may have figured out by this point, the TCP is one of the more bizarre homo-centric events to take place each year, largely due to the very wide range of participants and attendants, the show’s Oscar Award-esque notorious run time, and the extent to which everyone is dressed up and boozed up. It’s often very difficult to fully understand what’s happening, why it’s happening, and at times, if anything is even happening at all — since the pageant always seems to be paced poorly, leaving the audience with a sense of confusion. We know it’s difficult to run a 3-hour show smoothly, but jesus, they do it every fucking year — it’s not like they have to relearn how to ride the bike every March.

So after a boozy dinner at Downcity with Ada, we sleazed on over to the Hi-Hat an hour into the show to find an entire who’s who of gay Providence. Although the absence of most everyone from Mirabar was a little weird (apparently nobody’s going to be crying when Mirabar is a parking lot), everyone was in a good mood, and our favorite for Miss Lesbian, Sarah Beyers had already won the interview portion of the pageant, which we understand to be an almost foolproof indication of who will end up winning the title at the end of the show. We don’t dislike the Hi-Hat, it’s dinner theatre layout was not an inappropriate choice of venue, but it was certainly not as glamorous as Lupo’s in 2009, and there was WAY too much lighting — we caught ourselves face-to-face with more than one straight-up dumpster fire that sent us running back to the bar… for another $9 drink.

There was music and singing and what not, but as usual, most of the WTF moments were provided by the contestants that we all know had absolutely no chance going in, making us feel sorry (sort of) for finding most of that shit so funny. We got genuine vocal talent from Miss Jackie Collins, expected back-handed comments from the Litter, a threatening weapons display from Sarah Beyers, and some juvenile coming-out-of-the-closet poetry tripe from another lesbian who ended up actually winning the Miss Lesbian 2010 title, prompting some colorful Kanye West awards shows fantasies in defense of Sarah Beyers. However, as much as we wanted the title for Sarah, the fact remains that she does not have a vagina, making her eligibility to win a title created for a lesbian to be questionable — indeed, it’s been that exact question that’s made Ms. Beyers such a polarizing figure in our community. We don’t think that Sarah is the best representative of Rhode Island’s lesbian community, but we do think that her dedication to RI Pride’s cause, her proven leadership and all-around workhorse ethic made her by far the most eligible — assets that RI Pride could have really used, rather than fussing about whether or not they had a dick attached to them. Now we have a title-holder that we likely won’t see until next year’s TCP, but what else is new, right?

Anyhow, let’s look on the bright side and congratulate Miss Savannah Devereaux, certainly the most deserving, visible and capable winner this year. Not to mention she’s funny as shit, so we’re looking forward to seeing a lot more Savannah. We also got a chance to meet Mr. Gay RI 2010 at State, who while kind of quiet, was probably dazed from the previous four hours, so we’ll give him a pass.

Now if we got any of the details from this event wrong, we blame it entirely on the Hi-Hat’s bar, and on not paying attention to most of it while it was actually happening, so feel free to correct us.

Divine Lee miss gay ri 2009 has been kicked out of House of Lee-Sei by Aunty Anita again .It’s FINAL.

Disappointed with role as miss gay ri…She promised me when I helped her running last year that she will do many things for the community. However, she FAILED.

Besides— too many trannie mess issues……I HAVE DELETE HER FROM MY WORLD. Divine , I wish you …Inner Peace…may you get your SHIT TOGETHER ONE DAY

wishing all of you well …this is the last time I will be posting

with respects
Aunty anita

Ha! Bitch pulls no punches! Maybe we can have this letter read aloud at the Triple Crown Pageant this year as Divine passes her crown along… like, as she’s doing it.

We love us some Aunty Anita!

While the Triple Crown Pageant this year isn’t for another month, the frequently silly and often bizarre social campaigning for the titles of Mr. and Miss Gay RI, and Miss Lesbian RI seems to have already begun. Thinking of how little we saw ANY of the Gay RI people for 09 do anything publicly visible (unless it’s on a website or a street corner), we think that RI Pride is probably out this year to undo the giant WTF moment we all experienced after the TCP at Roxy last year — meaning some tasty, catty competition among the candidates.

Anyhow, who can forget the controversial (and frankly confusing) situation surrounding prominent pre-op tranny Sarah Beyers running in 2009 for Miss Lesbian RI — on the grounds that while still technically a man, she lives life as a woman and is attracted solely to women, making her pretty much a lesbian. (like we said last year, only in Rhode Island can a straight man be Miss Lesbian RI) Well it seems that Sarah will be taking us down this road again, albeit with a lot of extra power behind her — come on, she did almost more work in the last year than all of the actual Gay RI 09 people combined. The unfamiliar nature of Sarah’s run for Miss Lesbian RI last year certainly felt gimmicky, but after clearly showing a commitment and passion for the issues of the community over the last year, maybe she’s the best “man” for the job. And at least she doesn’t play the guitar.

Here’s a group of girls that are likely to be involved in the Miss Gay RI “drag race” in 2010.

Triple Crown Pageant takes place March 28th. Most likely at Roxy.

So Sunday at State was, well, interesting. It was kinda soft compared to last week, but the whole city was just desolate — so in comparison it did just fine! And they did actually do open bar, which somehow wasn’t our idea this time. Our DJ AV8 did his thang to the sound system, and we got our share of visitors. For example, Ada and friends stopped in, fresh from some harrowing weekend in New York City involving credit card fraud and falling asleep at the wheel of a moving vehicle. Sounds about right.

Haley Star shows in still dressed up from the number she did over at the Dark Lady — where she actually sang live, which both horrifies and intrigues us. Then Kevin, Dark Lady’s Friday night DJ shows in (to our surprise), and proceeded to give us the stank eye over the next twenty minutes. Now in case you don’t remember, we were at the Dark Lady on a Friday a few weeks ago and ended up vomiting disapproval of Kevin’s set all over this site. We think highly of Kevin personally (or at least, we did), we just didn’t think anyone deserved to listen to Love Shack twice in the same night, call us crazy! Well, unable to take a little spicy criticism, Kevin decided to air his frustration to us at State on Sunday night to us in the form of evil eyes, trembling stares, and a lengthly work-up to “well, is there anything you’d like to say to me?”. Now obviously we simply said “No.”, touched him compassionately on the arm, and went to the bar for another drink. You know, like any normal person would do when confronted with strange questions.

This behavior led us to thinking about how to deal with parts of our community that offend easily, or simply just don’t get the joke that is Bitchidence.com. Back-peddling and excuses are out of the question at this point, so usually just being nice, smiling and acknowledging someone’s frustration is pretty much the only consolation that we’re prepared (and willing) to dole out. We’ve learned over the last couple years that the way someone deals with the type of attention we give can provide interesting insight into someone’s personality — meaning, if you can’t laugh at yourself and take a joke, we probably don’t want to be friends with you anyway.

We don’t write Bitchidence because we’re trying to get into fights, we just want things to suck less and people to act right!

Wow, bitches get really emotional over a little wee-wee in your din-din! Frankly, that’s always been the reason why we don’t go to Gallery (kidding!… well, not anymore).

Anyway, we’re happy to be up front and say that we were not there at Scotty2Hotty’s Mr. Gay RI fundraiser, and according to some commenters, it seems that nobody else was either. Is that because nobody cares? Because our gay community is lacking some sort of togetherness? We don’t think so! We didn’t even know that there even was something going on at Gallery Sunday night — which unfortunately for Mr. Gay RI 2009, speaks of poor advertising practices (i.e. NO advertising practices). Moreover, who the fuck schedules a fundraiser on the same Sunday night as a multi-bar toy drive by fundraising powerhouse ACOS? Did Rodney they teach those people anything in Gay Rhode Island people Charm School????

Rule #1: Don’t compete with the Litter.
Rule #2: You don’t have to wear your sash every night.
Rule #3: Don’t compete with the Litter!

Oh, and don’t have fundraisers at Gallery. The space is too big to make look busy and too broken up to get everyone’s attention at once. It’s true! It’s not the only place in town with a microphone and a stage!
And the place needs a facelift (insert your own Thibault jokes here). And new carpeting, so we hear.

Okay bitches, which former Mr. Gay Rhode Island was so intoxicated at the fundraiser last night at Gallery that he pissed all over the buffet?! (special thanks to the Bitch Button for this one)

Did you go? Were you hungry?! We could totally see Bob Thibault snacking hard on some soggy pretzels!

UPDATE: After some sleuthing, we finally got the the bottom of this story — and it all starts with a picture. It seems that the buffet story started with Mr. Gay RI 2004, when he went to take a photo with his phone of Gallery’s buffet, which is weird because we heard he was bitching about it once he got there, but whatevs. So reasonably standing over a buffet table turned into peeing on it, which is still funny even though it did not happen. However, you bitches had absolutely no trouble believing that this would happen — which in itself, is funnier than this incident happening or not — and doesn’t even have anything to do with us. Hmmm.

These are Obama ecstasy pills! Some classy people in Texas sure are creative!

Okay, so we don’t normally post pictures that aren’t local, but this was just too good — and gave us some ideas!

Can someone come up with Cicilline E pills? We can call them “Cicillin-E”s! But why stop at MDMA? Where’s our Kitty Litter schnapps, our deluxe Ada dutches, Miss Gay Rhode Island 2009 saki and Miss Gay Rhode Island 2008 malt liquor?!

So the first thing we did Sunday night, in addition to dealing with some peripheral drama, was go down to the Hi-Hat for the Legends (and Fairy Tales) calendar release party and benefit for AIDS Care Ocean State. In case you have no idea what the hell that is, a bunch of drag queen do-gooders get together, take some themed glamour shots and JDHS Photos works them into a 2010 calendar that they peddle for $15 a pop. Simple enough of an idea, but the shit works!

We walk into the Hi-Hat to find every gay community bar/restaurant/establishment owner in the land present and staring at the pint-sized stage in the corner of the room. In case you’ve also never been to Hi-Hat (like us), we always thought it was some silly old people lounge meant for performers and musicians tucked away in Davol Square. Well, in addition to us being right about that, it’s also a restaurant/bar with tables and booths setup dinner-theatre style. Actually totally cute. So, the girls in the photos in the calendar get all put together like they were in the photos, then do a number. Twelve numbers… in a row. This is when we realized that the Hi-Hat, with it’s ample seating, soft lighting and restaurant is the ONLY place where they were going to get us to sit through 12 (12!) drag performances in a row. Given, they were good — Sabrina Blaze was absolutely magical as Cruella DeVille from that dog movie, she even sang (as she tends to do) with piano backup. Worth the money? Yeah, why not.

So after that we move it over to State for our last Halloween party of the year — State of Fear. Yes, people dressed up. We have no idea where you bitches get the time to put together four Halloween costumes, but it was fun. We floated shot cups of Pop Rocks inside large cups of Belvedere IX, and although we already knew it tasted terrible, the Pop Rocks had a very visible effect! We put the rocks together with a bottle of champagne and our mouths foamed up like we had rabies. Good times.

As usual, by 12:30a the bar collapses into a big sticky mess with Chris Harris throwing Jager shots around the bar and dollar bills (real ones, wft) flying through the air.

Well, you can’t really argue with that.

Well that was fun!

We’ve never even heard of a bar conducting a spelling bee before, much less having it go over so well. Well what do you want? It was a good fucking idea!

The night was a total disaster to begin with, though. We got there feeling zombie-ish on account of staying at Therapy with Ada, Nissa and Louie DeVito until 7am Sunday morning, then proceeding to throw the prostitute (who was pictured two weeks ago with her hand in Elle Davenport’s purse) out of our house. And in case you’re wondering, a friend brought her over independently of her being a prostitute — she certainly wasn’t there for us. Note to self: Do not leave prostitutes unattended in house.

That said, State never has a cover on Sundays (and on most nights), but in the interest of the night being a benefit for AIDS Care Ocean State, we thought it would be appropriate to attempt to charge $5 at the door. As long as it’s a benefit and not going into our pockets, who’d say no to that? Well we showed up a little later than expected to find a rather busy bar for 10:30p, and nobody taking cash at the door — our door girl for the night had apparently fallen asleep in her car and had since gone home. Fantastic.

Kitty Litter shows up minutes later, sees all of this and wonders aloud about what we’re doing to actually benefit ACOS for the evening. She actually wasn’t a bitch, but we still acknowledged the fuck-up. If nothing else, at least the bar was busy. Fabulously busy. Then came the Spelling B. After prepping Sarah Beyers, we got Ada, Savannah Devereaux, Vienna Marriott and Eric Calcagni AND Parrys Hampton — so basically all loud queens — to compete. Savannah made it through the first round by spelling “ADHD”, Ada got eliminated at “sideboob” because she didn’t use it in a sentence, Eric couldn’t spell “jagermeister”, Sydney (last minute entry) fucked up “procrasturbating”, and Vienna, making good on her comment last week to win everything, did!

Here’s our complete word list:

adhd
chickenhead
sideboob
niggaplease
va-jay-jay
butterface
facebookable
homoblivious
peasantvision
mayorbanger
faggatron
douchebaggery
kthxbye
telemundont
japanophile
jagermeister
nymphomaniac
prostiboots
noassatall
procrasturbating
vaginoplasty

The whole thing worked great, though, and after everyone in the bar figured out what the hell was going on, three more people wanted to participate halfway through the fucking game! Sarah was even asked by several people how to sign up to compete next week. Next week?! Next week is the damn Halloween party with that new Belvedere IX, you bitches are going to have to wait a few weeks before we make you spell “prostiboots” again!

Thanks of course goes to our contestants Savannah Devereaux, Ada Adore, Sydney, Eric Calcagni, Parrys Hampton and winner Vienna Marriott, proud possessor of a $50 bar tab at State next week. Vienna doesn’t care much for that, bitch just wanted to win! Also thanks to Spelling B hosts Sarah Beyers and Kitty Litter, AIDS Care Ocean State for breaking our fundraising cherry (and opening up new and exciting possibilities for future philanthropy — hello?! “Bitchidence” and “philanthropy” in the same sentence?), and to Alex Tomasso for matching dollar for dollar your generous contributions to ACOS, making our interesting Sunday benefit fuckery a total and utter success.

Bitchidence.com would also like to shout out to our new friends Barbie and the rest of the 92 PRO FM office crew that logs on regularly. Don’t you people work?!

Next week: Halloween party. Developing…

So, 2xcess: Male Zone has finally moved out of Energy (and taking all of the energy with it). Energy is now limited to funny-tasting liquor and XM satellite radio. Bummer.

In any case, the new 2xcess will be open and operational by the end of the week in their old location on Allens Ave., presumably with the added abilities of their very unique entertainment license, and under a new name, no less. Originally, the “new” strip club was going to be called Prestige, definitely a move up — likely in effort to attract a “classier” clientele, which that area is sorely in need of. But then Rodney from RI Pride swoops in with his own ideas — a new name, ready-made website, logo, the works — and for lack of a better reason (and because Rodney did it for free, which completely devalues that type of work and does a disservice to those who would otherwise charge for design services), the new place will be called….

TOUCH: Providence

Wait, what?! It might as well just be called “Come, Feel Us Up”! So much for being clever. Well, maybe the new name isn’t completely inappropriate, because most of the kids working there have been touched by most of Providence — so really, Providence will be touching you.

Sexy!