What a weird fucking weekend. Funny and weird. Stranger than Providence Pride weekend, even.

And why? Just some really fabulous stories, of course! Saturday night, a friend invited us to his neighbor’s place for an evening gathering, leading up to our typical night out. As is our way, we took too long to get ready and was unable to attend, later leaving us full of regret over what we missed. One of the party-goers, let’s call him “Mr. Gay RI 2004″, was in attendance and by 8pm was completely inebriated — referring loudly to each woman at the party as “cunts” (we of course women just love). Not a total shocker, we can believe all of that. But then someone shows up with their sick, old dog that was apparently on its last legs and swimming with disease — and “Mr. Gay RI” remarks,

“What the fuck is wrong with that dog? That thing is malnourished and needs to be taken away from it’s owner, that guy doesn’t feed that fucking dog!”

Hysterical! And as if that wasn’t enough, a heavy-set woman in attendance was caught by “Mr. Gay RI” spending a little too much time at the buffet table and shouts, “Put down those fucking ribs, you fat bitch, you do not need to be going back for seconds!” (that one’s eligible for Quote of the Week)

Unbelievable! And totally priceless… and then he was asked to leave. Despite the ridiculous nature of this story, we actually like him more because of it! What showmanship! Anyway, it would be unfair to say that this guy is a flat-out booze bag — he’s also done tireless and commendable work in the community which should not go unrecognized.

And it hasn’t!

Our “Mr. Gay RI 2004″ was presented recently with a citation from the city (not a police citation) for his work in the community, call it more of a “key to the city” kind of thing, and kind of a big deal! Well this “citation” comes in the form of a physical plaque to be displayed in his home or stored safely somewhere. By the way, we’ll never be receiving one of these. Now the details are a little fuzzy on just how it happened, but he lost the damn thing! What the fuck!

Now this is where the Unsubstantiated Rumors part comes it, as it is also the ending/kicker to this story. This plaque is said to be stored currently (and unbeknownst to it’s rightful owner) by the leader of a successful local gay pride organization. What, like hostage style? How strange!

We love you, Providence, and your crazy citizens!

This is probably not true, but somebody working at Gallery has been saying that the joint is up and moving as of September 1st. Great, we hope it moves to Maine, where crotchety old men and crotchety young lesbians are part of the local heritage!

UPDATE: Apparently, there’s truth to this — the old man bought the damn Living Room! We have no idea how he thinks he’s going to pull this one off, has he got enough fight left in him to tackle that area? In case you didn’t know, the Living Room is a little place that sits back to back with Club X, and we all know how that shit went down…

Does the Living Room even have a bar?

We hear FOX Providence’s Mark Zinni gave three week’s notice yesterday down at the station and is headed out west to join some station in Salt Lake City. Sounds to us like there’s only room for one queen down at channel 12!

We have no way to confirm this, so we’re adding a new category on Bitchidence.com called “Unsubstantiated Rumors”. Just keeping it real.

Anyway, keep it on the DL, Mark, them Mormons don’t like your kind round them parts.