We got this Bitch Button in our inbox this afternoon, and rather than recap on something that we didn’t actually see happen, we’ll just re-post it for you in its entirety since it seems to sum up the situation pretty well on its own!

So Brian Dorr is barred from alley cat and dark lady. Brian threw ice at Casey the bartender from DL and Casey went off on Brian. He told him that he was barred from alley cat and Dark lady!!

Okay, first of all this is just hilarious, and we really would have loved to see our pal Casey give the Little Dorr the business — and after some analysis, it seems reasonable to comment a little further. You see, the story goes like this; Mirabar matriarch John Dorr supposedly banned our buddy Matt White from entering Mirabar (after firing him), claiming that it would be better if Matt White was banned from Mirabar’s damaging social environment so that he didn’t turn out like Paul Murphy. Take a minute to absorb that, then chuckle.

Well, it seems to us that Papa John should look a little closer to home to find the Real Messes of Mirabar (hey, that sounds like a show…) and be sure to take some very for-your-own-good preventative measures!

Poor New Dark Lady! The place hasn’t even opened its doors yet and already it’s suffering from an infestation… of the Fat Scott kind! We heard this crazy story from a reliable source that Mr. Birchall, having been employed by our two favorite Dark Lady owners to complete necessary electrical work in the building, has fallen on some hard times and taken up residence INSIDE!

So you’re outside Alleycat and you kinda see something moving through that frosted Dark Lady glass, then you think you feel eyes moving all over your body, Clarise? Well you probably do!

Seriously though, let’s look to Buck and Rande’s good nature and hope to Litter that this isn’t true.

But if it is, you’re gonna need more than RAID to get rid of that pest, honey! (the jokes about this one are just endless)

So, it’s our understanding that the 11th Annual Charlie McGraw Boat Cruise (which so far as we know has always taken place on a boat) is switching up the format this year and has plans to commence somewhere on land in view of the bay.

Why abandon the Bay Queen, you ask? Well it seems that after the 10th Annual Charlie McGraw Boat Cruise and the drama that ensues when you herd a boatload of fags onto an actual boat, the organizers of said boat cruise and their guests were asked not to return! And you just know all of those boat cruise companies all talk to each other, so it probably didn’t take long before ACOS & Co. realized that the entirety of the Narragansett Bay has had enough of their shit. And if somehow they do pull a boat out of their ass in the next six weeks, it’s not going to be anything glamorous — maybe they should just move this shit a little further out into SE Mass where they need the tourism revenue.

But wait, there’s more! When you attend the 1st Annual Charlie McGraw Land Cruise, you’ll be paying the exact same price as if you were at the 11th Annual Charlie McGraw Boat Cruise, you know, because the Bay Queen was just donated for the last ten years and had nothing to do with the ticket price.

All donations go to benefit AIDS Care Ocean State 4 eva!

UPDATE: Oops! As it turns out, The Bay Queen doesn’t care how ridiculous those boat cruises can get, and would most likely be hosting the 11th Annual Charlie McGraw boat cruise this year as well if the notorious vessel’s operating company was not now in receivership. Well that explains it!

Land hoe!

What a weird fucking weekend. Funny and weird. Stranger than Providence Pride weekend, even.

And why? Just some really fabulous stories, of course! Saturday night, a friend invited us to his neighbor’s place for an evening gathering, leading up to our typical night out. As is our way, we took too long to get ready and was unable to attend, later leaving us full of regret over what we missed. One of the party-goers, let’s call him “Mr. Gay RI 2004″, was in attendance and by 8pm was completely inebriated — referring loudly to each woman at the party as “cunts” (we of course women just love). Not a total shocker, we can believe all of that. But then someone shows up with their sick, old dog that was apparently on its last legs and swimming with disease — and “Mr. Gay RI” remarks,

“What the fuck is wrong with that dog? That thing is malnourished and needs to be taken away from it’s owner, that guy doesn’t feed that fucking dog!”

Hysterical! And as if that wasn’t enough, a heavy-set woman in attendance was caught by “Mr. Gay RI” spending a little too much time at the buffet table and shouts, “Put down those fucking ribs, you fat bitch, you do not need to be going back for seconds!” (that one’s eligible for Quote of the Week)

Unbelievable! And totally priceless… and then he was asked to leave. Despite the ridiculous nature of this story, we actually like him more because of it! What showmanship! Anyway, it would be unfair to say that this guy is a flat-out booze bag — he’s also done tireless and commendable work in the community which should not go unrecognized.

And it hasn’t!

Our “Mr. Gay RI 2004″ was presented recently with a citation from the city (not a police citation) for his work in the community, call it more of a “key to the city” kind of thing, and kind of a big deal! Well this “citation” comes in the form of a physical plaque to be displayed in his home or stored safely somewhere. By the way, we’ll never be receiving one of these. Now the details are a little fuzzy on just how it happened, but he lost the damn thing! What the fuck!

Now this is where the Unsubstantiated Rumors part comes it, as it is also the ending/kicker to this story. This plaque is said to be stored currently (and unbeknownst to it’s rightful owner) by the leader of a successful local gay pride organization. What, like hostage style? How strange!

We love you, Providence, and your crazy citizens!

This is probably not true, but somebody working at Gallery has been saying that the joint is up and moving as of September 1st. Great, we hope it moves to Maine, where crotchety old men and crotchety young lesbians are part of the local heritage!

UPDATE: Apparently, there’s truth to this — the old man bought the damn Living Room! We have no idea how he thinks he’s going to pull this one off, has he got enough fight left in him to tackle that area? In case you didn’t know, the Living Room is a little place that sits back to back with Club X, and we all know how that shit went down…

Does the Living Room even have a bar?

We hear FOX Providence’s Mark Zinni gave three week’s notice yesterday down at the station and is headed out west to join some station in Salt Lake City. Sounds to us like there’s only room for one queen down at channel 12!

We have no way to confirm this, so we’re adding a new category on Bitchidence.com called “Unsubstantiated Rumors”. Just keeping it real.

Anyway, keep it on the DL, Mark, them Mormons don’t like your kind round them parts.