Saturday night we decided to take a break from Miami for the night and trek up to Ft. Lauderdale for a little gayness. It’s been our experience that while Miami Beach is totally gay, it’s also totally everything else (straight, black, hispanic, lesbian, ghetto, fabulous, and ghetto-fabulous). That’s probably why the gays seem to have claimed Ft. Lauderdale as their own — kind of like the gays have claimed Providence in lieu of a much less demographically focused Boston.

In any case, we decided to go down to China White, a very cool little spot surrounded by a few other clubs that seemed to carry on a theme (Rodman’s Rehab (it turns out, “Dennis Rodman” is a theme), The Art Bar). China White has this strong southeast Asia thing going on with leopard print walls, pounded metal chandeliers and a giant 30-foot tall elephant at the entrance. The joint is usually gay, but on this night was for the lesbians (ugh). Actually, we found them very nice, giving us this “oh how cute, gays!” kind of vibe. Thanks bitches.

30 minutes of that (cheap drinks though) and we were ready to split. So we traveled a little futher down Route 1 to Coliseum, where we assumed we’d find the gays, at last.

For those of you that haven’t made the trip, Coliseum is a space about the size of Roxy, with the vibe(sometimes) of the bar. Can’t go wrong, right? Well, we thought so too. Apparently there was some music festival nonsense happening in South Beach and the place was less than packed (and a bit scummier than we remembered). Not to mention the decorations being tired and the music lacking a certain coolness we’ve gotten used to in Miami. Oh well, at least we can drink until 5am, right?

Wrong again, this bitch closes it’s bar at 3!

With Miami only 30-40 minutes away, we contemplated shooting down there for last call somewhere, but decided to head back early and rest up for the next night (we’re glad we did).

Sunday night was by far the most fun night we had while in Florida.

We started out at the top of Collins Ave. at RokBar, Urb Magazine’s party presented by (and furnished with) free Zygo vodka. This place had the exact vibe we were looking for, along with the bitchiest doorman (to the inner bar where we accidentally found ourselves with $16 cocktails) we’ve ever seen.

Further down Collins we visited our old favorite, the Delano, where once again we commandeered another lounge-bed next to the pool to lie sluttily on for about an hour while we mixed a few more cocktails “by hand”. There wasn’t really a party going on, but there was house music and we find the atmosphere simply irresistable.

Next up around 2am, a few more blocks down Collins was the Chesterfield Hotel, which was hosting an all-night party presented by Grooverocket.com, no free booze though ($13 drinks).

Then on our way over to the Washington strip, who’s bass did we head calling from Ocean Drive? It was the Clevelander‘s, of course! We had to stop by for a couple drinks, like everyone else. The DJ was playing the usual fare that normal straight college people think is new hot shit (sorry bitches, it’s 3 years old). No matter, it made us feel nostalgic!

Then over to Washington for a hot minute at Twist to use the bathroom (that’s all the place is really good for, after all), and we were off to the Hed Kandi party at Mansion.

Mansion is one of the only places where we can justify(just barely) a $30 cover charge, but we always have a great time regardless. The place was packed, the music was fabulous, and the staff was friendly and had no trouble adding an extra $20 onto your tab when you’re too drunk to notice (oh well). We didn’t see anyone famous(except each other, of course ha ha) but the crowd was happy to share their ice with us so we could “augment” our drinks.

We bitched when the DJ shut down at 4:50am, but only until we realized we could save $10 in parking if we got our car out of the garage on 16th St. before 5. So there we were running up Washington…

Like we said, we had an…interesting time in Miami.

You know, it’s very easy to assume you can plan every last minute in South Beach to make the most of your time, but you step out onto Collins Ave, get into talking with some new friends and some fresh cocktails and before you know it, 5 days have gone by. We could have expected nothing less…

We also have a personal resolution not to post drunk, and to be honest, this is the first chance we’ve gotten!

So here’s what happened:

We touched down in stormy South Florida Thursday afternoon, and after a quick dash to the Miami Beach Resort & Spa to (unsuccessfully)score tickets to the awards show, we checked into our hotel. As it so happened, the unpredictable weather forced the awards show from outside poolside, to inside at the 18th floor StarBar, severely limiting ticket sales. Now normally we’re not in the mood to sit still for more than a few minutes, but with appearances and performances by such industry talent as Junior Vasquez, Paul Van Dyke, Harry ‘Choo Choo’ Romero, Gabriel & Dresden, DJ Keoki, Dave Aude, Amuka, (our girl) Jenna Drey, Lucas Prata and George Clinton — we were willing to make the effort.

Even our very limited connections down here were useless! Oh well, we more than made up for it(sort of) by hitting up Score for performances by Pepper Mashay, Georgie Porgie, the fabulousOhsha Kai (you may remember her from Mirabar or Diesel in 2006), Randy Friess, & Andrea Carnell.

Rachel Panay was scheduled to perform but had to cancel at the last minute due to a personal emergency, instead we got one of our favorities, the soon to be in Providence Jacinta (in a horrendous faux-fur coat), who belted out one the hottest performances of the night. Pepper turned it out (the bitch is a MACHINE!), the tranny-licious Andrea Carnell had trouble keeping her nipples in her top, and poor Georgie Porgie all but cleared the club with a good performance of a craptacular song!

With Georgie’s damage to the Score‘s crowd irreversable (they closed the 2nd floor for Christ’s sake) , we scooted over to Twist to catch the last couple hours of some drum & bass record label party which to be honest, we weren’t really aware of.

Friday we took the chance to get to the beach, fabulous.

Friday night, however, was more fabulous.

We first headed over to the Delano Hotel for a couple ($20)drinks, and enjoyed filling up our empty cups with ice(courtesy of someone else’s ice bucket) and vodka nips from the comfort of our fabulously slutty outdoor bed-lounge in the hotel’s orchard.

Once the liquor ran out and we nixed the idea of selling a kidney to keep the drinks coming, we sleazed back over to the Laundry Bar for some drum & bass party (it actually didn’t sound horrendous). Dissatisfied with that situation, we trapsed back down Washington to Twist where we spend the rest of the night drinking with an editor for the Miami Herald and an Italian pro surfer.

Honestly, we really don’t love Twist. The place is like an ant farm, the people are the trashy, the music is the same in like every room, the whole place is too dark; but the drinks are cheap and usually pretty strong– hey it’s actually kind of like Mirabar!

We also found disappointing this year that at 5am when the clubs close, the sun takes like forever to come up on account of the early daylight savings change. This sucks because you can’t just walk right out to the beach and pass out without the fear of being accosted(sexually) in the pre-dawn darkness. We found this out the hard way later in the trip…

OH.

EM.

G.

Well here we are back in Providence, and we’re still not sure exactly what happened while we were in Miami. That’s why we’re taking the next couple days to regroup and try to remember just what(who) we did…

So I’m sure nobody’s noticed that we haven’t posted in a little bit. Especially over the weekend.

Well that’s because NOTHING HAPPENED.

Mirabar? Dark Lady? Et al? NOTHING. Truth be told, Providence in the dead of winter(spring) can be a total drag *snicker*. We know we’re not the only ones feeling this way, that’s why we (along with the rest of the electronic/dance music industry) prefer to flutter down to sunny SOUTH BEACH for a few days for Winter Music Conference!

We lie on the beach, hob-nob with dance music’s finest “talent”, facilitate exciting Providence club entertainment arrangements, (all while staying trashed the entire time!) and all amidst Miami’s most bangin’, debaucherous weekend thinly veiled as a business conference! A better time to visit, we could not fathom.

Anyway, we’re not there yet, but starting later this week we’ll be updating daily on the crazy shit we see (and do) so Rhode Island can take some notes and have this place back in shape by the time our tired asses land at T.F. Green next week.

In other (lesser) news, the 2007 Triple Crown Pageant was held Sunday night at the Columbus Theatre. We didn’t go, but we heard it was a snooze-fest, with nothing particularly interesting happening.

Chris Harris Presents was kind (and savvy) enough to host the after-party for the Triple Crown at Level 2, but couldn’t seem to get the heater fixed in time for the event. Some of you apparently too trashed from the pageant to realize it was 45 degrees on the dancefloor and went shirtless anyhow (party on, I guess…).

We’re not really sure how Level 2 is going to fare, turn-out has been disappointing in comparison to a typical Diesel Sunday night, but we think it’s been fabulous considering the circumstances. Is there somewhere else we don’t know about?

Tell us about it!

Kelly Llorenna – I Will Love Again (Dancing DJs Remix)

There was a lot of good music released this week, unfortunately we only will pick one.

We love Kelly Llorenna from her 2004 cover of This Time I Know It’s For Real.

We love the song.

We love Dancing DJs.

End transmission.

We’ve been sick the last few days and (after going out and drinking) it’s hard to post all weak and shit, it just doesn’t happen. Now that we have the strength to type a little, let’s play catch-up.

Friday night we sleazed around DL and MB. Snore. (except for best messes like Kitty and BB Hayes for a little excitement)

Saturday night we stayed in, yes, we suck. And we have plenty of texts letting us know.

Sunday we hit up the bar for a quick drink before gravitating towards the third night of Chris Harris’s Sundays@Level 2. Still two rooms open (for now), and the night is slowly building in popularity. Let’s hope they have the patience to keep it going until the night starts making money(probably not). Still, the real messes of gay Providence(us) have had no trouble finding the joint, a good sign!

Tuesday night we FINALLY made it to Hell‘s Retro night, after much anticipation. We have to say we weren’t all that impressed, mostly because they suspended their $1 drink specials for the night. But the music was exactly what we’d hoped for, and our twats are aching for that kind of 80′s variety tonight at (The) Retro. We know we will not get it *sigh*.

On the plus side, we waltzed in for free by mentioning their radio ad on 98.5, score!

Then, on a whim we slinked past Level 2 to Recess Pub (wtf?). As it so happens, the rather capable bar has recently come under the gayest of new management and stands to become quite a little find for those of you fags with just a Tuesday night off to get wasted. Check it out!

We also made an appearance at Energy’s drum & bass night, it’s not really our scene (or anyone else’s, apparently) but it wasn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened.

Camille Jones vs Fedde Le Grand, The Creeps (Fonzerelli Mix)

We sort of liked this song weeks ago when the Vandalism mix of it appeared on Ministry of Sound‘s Clubber’s Guide 2007, but here it is finally released as a single and we love it!

So Thursday night we started out at a (beer pong)party outside of town. We’ve been doing a lot of private shit lately because this time of year is so damn boring. Like nothing happens.

Well, we lost three games of beer pong, which has not happened so miserably since college, and decided it was time to hit the bar for Strip Poker! We were so drunk that we never made it out, but we’re happy to report that nobody won that elusive cash prize ($475).

As it turns out, we missed all kinds of shit last night. Starting with Switchfoot at Lupo’s followed by Roxy‘s opening night at 79 Washington (and even Energy). Oh well, we’ll have to make up for it this weekend(probably not).

Well, we skipped Wednesday night for like the first time ever. But does that make us boring losers?
Yes, it does.

Did you go out and have a story? Send it to us! (as long as it doesn’t suck)

provarazzi@bitchidence.com

So Sunday night we make our one stop at Level 2, for Chris Harris‘s new weekly.

All week long, promoters have been distributing drink tickets trying to attract business to the night’s sophmore effort. There was even a full page ad for the night in IN Newsweekly, interesting approach for such an unsteady party.

Missing this week from our radar was ENTOURAGE, the now presumably defunct Saturday weekly over at Da Vinci’s… and just as it was starting to pick up too. You know, if they can’t let these nights ride out the first few weeks of misery, they’re never going to generate the buzz necessary to make any money to make the effort worthwhile.

Anyway, we get to Level 2, and to our surprise, the bitch wasn’t empty!
We’ve believed in this night from the start (last week), all of the conditions seem to be right, and this week turned out a crowd just a hair larger than the opening night. That’s huge because freaking anyone will go to the first night, but repeat business of any kind, on a Sunday night that’s not a holiday and that shit closes at 1, is probably luck.

Plus we spent last week collecting like 9 drink tickets, so you know we weren’t staying home.

Still, that place could afford to close one of those rooms because that crowd can only fill one room at a time right now (for now). Who will get the axe; Meadows or Dena? Our bet is Dena’s gonna be playing hip-hop next week! (We know she can do it!)