As if we thought one new gay (or “alternative”) Sunday night in Providence wasn’t one too many, someone who’s been out of the scene for quite a while has decided to turn Sidebar (known to us as a seedy under-age college bar) into a gaybar on Sundays. What? Why?
Starting this coming Sunday, Bobby J (also the bartender) offers a drag show/contest and cocktails, all for just $5 at the door! Something tells us this will fail miserably — not on account of the faggotry, but because Dark Lady can barely work a Sunday out for $3 at the door (remember DL’s Trixx night???). We may just check it out for laughs though…

Anyway, the weekend was wild. Wild weather, anyway.

Friday sucked, as usual.

Saturday was considerably more interesting. If you were in RI, you’d know that we had some kind of hurricane or something that melts gays, so bars all around town were uncharacteristically dead. Energy? Dead. Dark Lady? Dead! Alley Cat? Also terrible, but that didn’t stop us from showing up everywhere dripping wet. We didn’t melt, but we did get a little sloppy.

Dark Lady, taking full advantage of the stranded gays trying to stay dry, subjected us to a drag show featuring the last three Miss Gay Rhode Islands. Nothing we haven’t seen before, but we did notice that Haley Star‘s act isn’t getting any better — in fact it’s getting worse! If we’re going to get stuck listening to some old cheesy Bette Midler live recording, she could at least not wander around the stage all glassy-eyed like Bette on Oxycontin.

After a last minute stop at Trixx (almost dead, but not any more than the patrons usually are), we made it down to Therapy for their Saturday Halloween party with guest DJ Steve Porter. We were not optimistic since the rest of the city was empty, but Therapy is always a surprise — and it was the busiest party in town well past 7am. We credit Volume DJ Jeff Leclaire with this performance, trading his usual spot in the first floor DJ booth to promote the night himself.

Sunday we made it back to 242 Restaurant for their second gay Sunday. They said it was busier before we showed up around 11:30, but we’re skeptical. We did manage to spot Chris Harris chowing a pizza topped with duck meat, random.

So Thursday was pretty typical, we cut a line through the city between Fatty’s and Mirabar. Things got interesting when we came in contact with a $2-off cover coupon for a Sunday night called “Vivid” at Club X. It turns out that this “Vivid” is run by local party boy Tony “I’m Straight” McGill at what used to be Babylon down on Valley St. We were curious why Babylon changed its name so recently, after being the local trash spot for so very long.
Well, the owner of Babylon, “Simon”, was cornered into a tough spot and had to fire his entire staff and change the name of the barb wire-bound bar to Club X after one of his bouncers stabbed a club-goer. Wait, what the fuck?

We don’t rule out the possibility of getting stabbed by some fag with a knife or a stiletto heel or something, but we’re not used to questioning the judgement of the bar staff hired to keep us safe. Welcome to Providence!

UPDATE: Owner Simon, is actually a lieutenant in the Providence Police Department. Hmmmm.

Randy Moss at 242 Restaurant on Atwells Ave. Thursday night for some unpublicized benefit for something…

Tom Brady was scheduled to show up, but he didn’t.

We don’t know who you are or how you got here, but if you’ve never looked at bitchidence.com before, you may be part of the sleazy group of people on Chris Harris‘s mass email list. What were you thinking?

Anyway, you’re safe now.

We got that email today too (right before deleting it) and were surprised to find that your favorite, although not always helpful blog about going out in Providence was featured first on his long list of parties and club nights and occasional train wrecks. The premise is this; we go out almost every night, it seems, then write about what happens — from a completely truthful (and bitchy) standpoint because we’re not really trying to sell anything. Really, we can all agree that although Providence sucks most of the time, it can be ok once in a while. That and we don’t have the cheese to move to Boston.

Enjoy bitches!

We’ve now sufficiently recovered from the weekend enough to, well, sit upright.

Friday we bounced around downtown, everywhere was reasonably busy — even the lesbian night “Blush” at Energy, which sucks less and less every week.

Saturday we got it together and made it up to Boston for Chris Harris‘s Divas for Dena party at Roxy. Somehow Harris managed to get 6 performers to work it out throughout the night (while those dirty Perry twins danced behind them), and still have time for DJ Richie Ladue to get in a few songs. We even fit in some face time with diva Gioia Bruno, who was absolutely lovely to speak with as she tried to re-learn the lyrics to “We Are Family”, and Kristine W, who as usual was kind of a bitch (or maybe she’s just a real diva) — even though she looked great posing for pictures with us. Also present were Jeanie Tracy (that chick from “Cha Cha Heels”), Erin Hamilton, Janice Grace, and Alyson — who you might remember from Mirabar a few months ago.

At the end of the night all 6 ladies performed “We Are Family” all together, delivering a little spark of togetherness into our cold, black, bitchy little hearts. But that didn’t stop us from still having a good time with all of the other Providence people that ditched our fair city for the night.

Well maybe they ditched Providence, we stumbled back to our car and jetted down to Therapy! You know we needed it, the “breast party ever” had us almost convinced we had feelings.

After downing a half bottle of vodka on account of Therapy having no bar, we managed to show up by 3:30am to a totally packed house helmed by the fabulous DJ Boris, who is also a total diva. Boris costs a lot, guaranteeing that if you don’t get raped once you get inside, they at least get to rape you at the door. Alex Tomasso, owner, saw to that by sitting at the door all night in a suit making sure that nobody got in for free. Or maybe he was just guarding the door against Big Scotty again. Anyway, we’re not sure what time we left, but there were black people going to church as we crawled out, shouting some bullshit about the power of Christ or something.

Sunday night we made it a point to check out our latest advertised night (at left), Sunday Funday at 242 Restaurant on Atwells Ave. It’s been a long time since we’ve seen a good Sunday night, and although the first night started a little slow, we’re pretty sure we’ll be back next week. Although the flyer says “alternative” night, which is really just a straight term for being grudgingly accepting of a gay night, but we didn’t notice since the whole waitstaff is gays and chicks anyway.

So we were sleazing around at Energy the other day, having stopped in to see what a wreck their Thursday night featuring the Girls Gone Wild bus would be. We’ve seen how that shit went down when the bus visited Level 2 a few weeks ago — drunk girls getting hauled off by big bouncer-type looking men into a bus parked in an empty lot (no wonder GGW can’t keep their noses clean, their business model screams for sexual assault lawsuits). Well to say that the GGW bus was a wreck last Thursday is a bit of an overstatement, since it just plain broke down and didn’t show up! Ha! We remain skeptical as to whether it was booked to go blow up Energy and all it’s 5 people in the first place.

Anyway, with no GGW bus strangeness to keep us entertained, we turned to liquor to liven up the night. The trouble is, it’s no secret that a lot of the liquor at Energy is fake, the bottles being refilled with lower-grade booze when the original juice is used up (that doesn’t stop them from charging $9 a drink for Popov vodka when it gets poured from a Grey Goose bottle). It’s unfair to say that the whole bar is fake, some of it is real — the real bottles had to start somewhere of course. So it’s become somewhat of a challenge to figure out what’s real and what’s fake, kind of like a carnival game! You know, one that will get you violently sick off cheap liquor!

Over time, we’ve managed to come up with some rules for ordering drinks in order to keep us safe from Energy’s alcoholic lies.

1. You can only trust liquor that gets opened in front of you. i.e., any individually bottled beverage, like beer.

2. Unflavored vodkas, rums and gins are off-limits. They are the most easily forged. Their flavored counterparts are much harder to fake (however, try the Stoli Blueberry…).

3. Mixed drinks with more than one of the above. A long island iced tea, with 4 bottom-shelf liquors is a guarantee you won’t be buying those drinks, only renting them.

4. All top-shelf liquor. The liquor is as old as the Chadbrown rats, but the bottles have been there as long as Roland.

Although we love and appreciate bartenders and the work they do for us, we just don’t go to Energy for the drinks.
Faithful readers, if you have any other tips on what not to drink — please add your comments to this post. We all should be drinking exactly what we order from our bartenders. By no means is Energy the only bar in the city to shore up their bar inventories with water and cheaper liquor, so rather than leaving the contents of your drink up to your server, drink more and get to know your fucking booze! Ole!

Well they’ve gone in a completely different direction for October… The Scurvy Dog bar over in the West End is literally the opposite of that pussy Paragon — we might just go.

We rarely get a chance to pull the bullet proof vest out of the closet anymore!

So Fatty’s, that college bar that’s ALWAYS busy down next to Energy gets “raided” by Providence Police looking for underage drinking. Not a bad place to go looking, really. However it caused Energy to clear out because… well… you know.
But why Fatty’s? Why last night? Well it could have been because of this.

Apparently, underage drinkers at Fatty’s drove off from the bar over the weekend and flipped their car on 95. We heard they identified the bar by the Fatty’s bracelet on the deceased’s wrist — you can’t make this shit up!

Anyway, sounds like somebody’s not doing their fucking job.

We hate the beginning of the week. If we were some cool city like Boston (used to be), we’d have some hot Monday off-night like Axis to go to. Until then though, we’re stuck with horror shows such as karaoke night at Energy on Monday, where you can find packs of slutty JWU students roaming around shouting Usher and 50 Cent songs. Beware though, you may be exposed to the rantings of “Connie”, the attempted-tranny-mess (he doesn’t even really qualify) who tags along with Paula and Soundstream all week like Golum following those poor hobbit characters from that movie. You also may remember him as “DJ Pot Pie” who used to “DJ” down at Trixx. He seems innocent enough, until the wig comes off and he’s turning on the lights and hustling you to finish your drink and go home at 12:55am…

Anyway, at the risk of feeling stalkerish, we checked out Dark Lady‘s Tuesday karaoke night, another Soundstream abortion. Fortunately Dark Lady has Sabrina Blaze, the only personality that really saves the effort. Unfortunately there’s nothing she, or anyone else can do when some asshole decides to take up the last 12 minutes of the night with that god-forsaken Meat Loaf song. UNTIL NOW!

We think Sabrina needs to step in and set up some sort of “Gong Show” type process where if you really feel you have no choice but to leave when the singing gets really bad, you (and her) can voice your damn right to prevent ear cancer and move to the next song.

She can even use those rock-hard tits to smack the gong with!

Watch out assholes, Bitchidence.com can now find you where you sleep. Well, if you let it of course.

Check out the little icon set sitting right underneath the “ITCH” in the Bitchidence.com header on this page, and you too can be stalked by our ranting in such useful places as your Outlook Express, My Yahoo, My MSN, even iTunes!