We thought it impossible, but we’ve found yet another way for us to be intrusive! (but you love it)
Now, when iPhone users add Bitchidence.com to their home screens, they get not some lame, tiny view of the home page, you get your very own Bitchidence icon! (below)
Do it!
Oh, and happy Thanksgiving…
So we’ve been hearing a lot of different things on the wire over the last six months or so about the bars we know changing, closing, opening, etc. It’s no surprise that a bar might have to change locations during it’s lifetime, indeed Mirabar used to be located in the building now occupied by Cheaters, among other places (ironically, they painted the building pink after it stopped being a gay bar). But how easy is it to think of Dark Lady without those fire-bait rugs on the walls, or Energy with a real bar? Lots of people around town keep cryptically referring to “big changes”, but after months of sitting on it, we’ve decided to literally refer to them.
So what might downtown Providence look like in the future?
We’ll show you the only way you readers understand, with pictures!
As you can see, most of the places we reference on Bitchidence.com are marked on this map of downtown. We don’t talk about Wheels all that much anymore, but somehow we think that might change. It’s a gold mine, after all.
Everywhere is rather spread out, and in the winter bar-hopping is a bitch!
This is our estimate for the future! Though we can’t be held to anything on this one, as shit changes constantly. Dark Lady moves next to Alley Cat, which we LOVE. Energy owner Tommy re-opens old Score on Clemence St., which is said to be slated as the next college straight bar (you can imagine the logistics of that) And unless something magic happens, like club-hating residents in 79 Washington St. dying or going deaf (both possibilities), then that Energy space looks on shaky ground.
And Union/Eagle? Well that move is unconfirmed, but it’s place in the old Axlerod Music storefront (a monster space, we’re told) would make fags bar-hopping around town into a piece of cake (or ass). Screw Boston’s Emerald Necklace, if all pans out, we’re calling this route Providence’s pearl necklace.
Hey, they could even tunnel out a private stairway from Eagle up to Club Body Center and open up a black hole of sluttiness!
We think it could look something like this:
(remember something like on Ghostbusters? Yeah, same idea.)
We also don’t know how late night Eagle crowd will mesh with the new alternative-mainstream, extended-hours Gourmet Heaven that’s being built right next door.
Wait, maybe too well…
So, we bet you’ve been wondering where we’ve been all weekend/week? Well probably not, but we’ll still get to that later.
Meanwhile, let’s talk about the weekend. Friday was of course the Gay Guerilla night at Olives.
We’ve been watching this effort take place over the last few months and never really saw it take off in Providence the same way it certainly has in Boston and in other cities around the nation/world. We simply assumed that because Providence is pretty gay to begin with, no effort to combat upity straight nightlife could seem all that daring (or interesting really).
What seemed more fucked up is that the gays showing up to the last few Guerilla happenings in Providence aren’t the normal regular gays. They’re the hidden once-in-a-while gays. You know, the ones who show up at like two Dark Lady block parties a year and say hi to only 5 people but smile (or leer) at everyone. Not that this is wrong necessarily, we just never experienced the excitement of staying home every night of the year knitting purses to keep our fucking tampons in.
Anyway, to make a long story short — the gays showing up at Olive’s Friday night were not just the boring gays, but the secret gays! Yes! So if you’re in the market for someone a little insecure, but probably straight-acting and maybe married or with a girlfriend, show up and be cool — because at Gay Guerilla in Providence, where gay and straight people mix together with very decent cooperation (as it should be), you never know which straight guys showed up because they didn’t know what was planned, and which ones showed up because they did. We love it.
Moving on, Saturday night all we could laugh about was the mob of (allegedly) 20 or so black guys in some sort of gang war out in front of Mirabar lashing each other with whips modified with sharp metal ends (you can’t make this shit up). We know we’ve always fantasized about orchestrating some sort of Roots-meets-Da Vinci Code-inspired mass beating in front of Mirabar, but we always assumed it would be aimed at the trashy gays themselves, not be the result of Level2/Elements spill-over.
Sunday we chose to check out the new night Tony “I’m Straight” McGill is trying to push over at Energy. Wait, wasn’t he doing “Vivid” at Club X like last week? (haha). Anyway, the place is dead and a far cry from the hip-hop Sundays that used to pack Energy last summer. Maybe it was the $5 cover — seriously, who charges $5 on a Sunday night? We hope the $25 they made at the door all night was worth it. It’s unfortunate though because nobody would go in to see DJ Playboy Marco play his latest mix-CD.
Coming soon: Bitchidence.com visits the ACI (for real!).
We’re stubborn, so instead of leaving poor bitchidence.com alone, we’re determined to upgrade our software somehow. So over the next day or so, we may be buggy or look funny (more than normal).
Wish us luck!
UPDATE: All set! Look for new shit for you to do in the future.
Well, that was exciting.
As we all know, sometimes websites go down (or turn on their creators).
Yesterday in effort to provide you lazy assholes with more to do when you visit bitchidence.com, we attempted to update our version of WordPress so we could provide some bitchy options to make user feedback more interesting. Like every trip deep into tech land we’ve ever had, it was terrible!
Speaking of terrible, our issues online have never stopped us from going out and taking issue with Providence, so that’s what we did last night. We stopped by Fatty’s and Energy, where a couple of unfamiliar Volume DJs were spinning stripper music (you know, like white hip-hop with no words). Which made us wonder how much greater Energy would be if there were two stripper poles coming out of that stage area. Really, since people strip up there anyway, the poles would be more of a safety device.
We left before anyone spotted Energy’s owner, Tommy. He was probably down the street at the time working out the details at old Score, a location he’s planning to re-open, which we couldn’t be happier about. As you may know, the location used to be Score, then Mixx, then a failed attempt was made last spring to open it. But always a lesbian joint, which we never quite understood — we thought only gays liked dark alleys.
No matter, if anyone can do it, it’s Tommy!
(We just hope he coughs up the cash for an all-new bar.)
As you may or may not know (or care), on of few reasons we began writing bitchidence.com was to strike fear (and bitchiness) into the hearts of those who allow Providence nightlife to suck. Now, a year and a half later we finally came across a story that reminded us of this.
Tommy, owner down at Energy (and actually quite a lovely man) was on the phone recently with a friend of a friend of ours who pointed out our previous post, and accompanying visual about Energy’s bar being partly fake or watered down. A normal bar-owner would probably conduct some drawn-out process of retaliation, but instead Tommy replies, “Well, I guess I’m going to have to start buying real liquor.”
Success! We may even have to issue an updated version of our Energy bar guide…
In other news, are you looking for a new career? Not just a job, but an entirely new outlook on employment offering sexual harassment, weird hours, back-stabbing co-workers and overall personal degradation? Then click here!
It seems gentlemans’ club extraordinaire Trixx is looking for bartenders, waiters and bar backs (no turn-over at this place, no sir). The ad on craigslist also requests you be fast on your feet, or knees, during “peek” hours — typo or not? Anyway, the rest of the ad allows for ample opportunity to between the lines, we love it!
We also question the legality of requiring a face pic to be attached to a resume for just a waitstaff position, but oh well!
So the weather is nice out at night but the crowd since Wednesday sucks, what gives?
Retro night at Mirabar was so terribly boring, despite DJ Richard Michael‘s first time spinning on that night (which we enjoyed), that a strange drunk game of hackey-sack or something broke out on the second floor because there was so much room to move around.
Thursday night Level 2 and Elements could barely keep a line outside, and the only place for a party to be found was at Energy (genuine surprise) with DJ Playboy Marco. Next door at Fatty’s they see their numbers off by as much as 40% this week.
We even stopped by Recess Pub, which we will tend not say anything bad about (we prefer to let it die all on its own).
As is typically the case, we blame JWU. They probably have some gay spirit week or something that they manage to get excited about enough to not go out and be slutty pigs.
Lookout weekend?
UPDATE: Wawawawawawawawawawawawawa.
Left: Eagle boys Gary and Zack at Dark Lady, Halloween 2008
Right: Siegfried & Roy
We don’t even question what these boys would do with the tiger…
get fucked by it, of course!
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