Left: Little Britian USA’s Emily
Right: Divine Providence’s Princess Pearl

But she’s a laaaaady!

“Tony [McGill] has built an empire from dirt.”

– Tony “I’m Straight” McGill, referencing Club Gallery on Facebook

Many times bitches, the best version of a story comes from the place where it all started. In the case of this story, we’re lucky enough to have it told by a professional storyteller who clearly understands the power of subtlety. We knew that this was too good to let sit in a comment string and deserved its own post. Enjoy!

Dear friends,

I don’t know who wrote this intelligent rendition of my performance at The Gallery but it is ball-sey to say the least. Now, listen, darlings– We must be nice to Bob. Bob can’t help himself. He doesn’t remember saying he would pay my musicians. He can’t remember much anymore. I take full responsibility for entering The Gallery in the first place. Sure, I’m 200 bucks poorer, being that I paid my musicians myself, but, really, what does money represent other than goodwill. If Bob cheats struggling artists, he cannot help himself. I forgive him because his toupee is so bad. You must do the same.It is not Bob’s fault anyway. There are others involved and as you know, we never get the full story. It is a story of sycophants and toadies who are now hiding their heads behind their asses. I was busy trying to make people laugh that evening. More truthfully, I was getting drunk. I was horrified at the tiny turn-out. Be that as it may, I would like to thank Paris and Sarah for their comfort and support- and the random lesbian who said I was hot, and my friend, John Nelson, who took the full force of the Dana Tornado.

Scorching!

By the way, did anyone happen to snap a picture of Laurel topless at Gallery? Girlfriend is hot!

UPDATE: Laurel ain’t throwin’ no shade, she just wants to get paid! So Bob Thibault cowboy’d up and paid the lady. As usual the best version of this story comes from her and is again pasted from a comment string in full.

Hi Kids, it’s me again. Let this be a lesson to all of us. We are often wrong. After I posted the item about Bob, I went down to see him, face to face, and he was honorable, understanding and a victim himself of certain people who professed to speak for him. The man paid me in full and gave me a tip, knowing that I am a struggling failure. I was very unhappy leaving the club that evening without money for my musicians and got caught up in the Bob Witch-Hunt. I now take responsibility because I was accepting information for second and third parties. Isn’t it interesting how we all demand understanding, acceptance and forgiveness and yet jump at the chance to bring somebody down. Let us blame alcohol. Apparently it was John Barleycorn who encouraged a certain party to make monetary arrangements without approval. Why? I think we all like to believe we have clout. We also like to be helpful and will take a gamble to help a friend. This is a good thing in and of itself, unless toes get stepped on. Bob and I sat down and I heard his side of the story. I told him my side of the story. The man didn’t have to pay me. There wasn’t a contract and the night was a bust. But he did, even after being humiliated by this blog. I added to his humiliation. I realize that I am very frustrated, and yes, angry, at Providence, for not allowing its only Cabaret Singer a venue — instead, all of us drowning in Pomme Frittes and reduction sauces…. all these restaurants, bistros, ultra-lounges, and no piano bar. Providence Monthly named Aspire ( I call it Perspire) the best lounge in Providence – and what do they offer as entertainment? Kareoke. This is a dirty, small state disgrace. Everyone kissing ass to get an ad in their magazine or newspaper. I won’t be a part of it. Crucify me, small town cowards.

Credit status restored, or too little too late?

In case you have no clue who she is, Aunty Anita is a well known transgendered woman and friend/supporter of Divine Lee who is running in the Triple Crown Pageant for the Miss Gay RI title this year. Posted here is a rather kind letter from Auntie Anita to Sarah Beyers — see, we’re not cold, heartless bitches! Not all of the time, anyway.

Aloha Sarah,

Recently, heard from Divine that you are running also in the Triple Crown Pageant for the Miss Lesbian Crown 2009. I am delighted for you to be the 1st transwoman running for that title. This will inspire dialog and education of the GLBTQ community of Rhode Island regarding what it is to be transgender. Since the 60′s to the 90′s, the transgender has been the step-child of our community. However, things are changing slowly…….but there is still lots of work to do.

The transgender umbrella is a huge one which includes non-op, pre-op, post-op, gender queer, cross-dressers, part-time, full-time; it’s all about one’s gender idenity not sexual orientation.. Go for it girl and stand tall and proud. Most of all educate the GLBTQ community.

Last year in Hawaii, a transman (ftm) won a title that was reserved for gay men. He broke the mold and won Looking forward meeting you…….shall be in town helping Divine as her dressier/makeup artist at the triple crown….See you there!

Malama Pono…with respects,

Aunty Anita
www.hawaii.islandgoddess.org

That’s sweet! No?

Dark Lady bartender Kat (lovely lady) got hit in the head with a glass bottle around 1:40am and was taken away (hopefully to a hospital to be cared for properly). There was a lot of blood, but nothing bleeds like the scalp, you know. Thankfully she was able to exit on her own two feet in order to seek medical care, but the drama is still developing (girl didn’t look happy).

As much shit as we talk (true as it may be), violence is NEVER acceptable and she deserves the best, most positive wishes of the entire community.

And who smashes bottles on peoples’ heads anyway?

Right: Gay Mafia logo
Left: Gay Mafia logo shameless bite-off

So Tuesday night, Laurel Casey was performing at Gallery. In case you’re unfamiliar with her, Laurel is a defunct NYC cabaret performer who delivers shockingly intricate and humorous social commentary through spoken word, song and a lot of self deprecation. Overall rather funny.

She does this fabulous shtick where she refers to the impending economic crisis leading to her becoming homeless blah-blah-blah, and then midway through the story she needs a drink, and the bar is meant to hand her one to add a little drama to the act. That’s when humorless and soulless manager of Gallery; Dana (who never laughs or offers any social graces whatsoever) who was bartending, decides to be a sandy vagina and fuck up Laurel’s flow. So as a last resort (because Dana is not giving Laurel her martini) goes under the bar trap door, grabs a bottle of tequila, returns to the stage and swigs twice from it. Then Dana then starts barking about how “she fucking owns that”, thereby making a huge spectacle of himself.

Laurel continues with the show, leaving a red-faced Dana angrily pacing behind the bar, becoming visibly more upset as the show goes on. Laurel the begins a dialogue with a lesbian in the audience who implores her to take her top off (hysterical). So standing there topless without any shame; the show is stopped by Dana flipping out and bitching about how Gallery doesn’t have a license for that, and she’s gonna get the place shut down and some other bullshit. Then Laurel’s manager, who is in the audience goes up to Dana and yells “You know, you’re sad and pathetic!” which makes Dana fly off the handle and smash through the doors to the front bar to call Bob Thibault to have this whole show night aborted! Drama queen!

Getting no satisfaction from Bob Thibault, Dana starts threatening to punch Laurel’s manager in the face and lay him out flat. Being rather sensible, her manager asks Paris to close his tab; whereupon Paris is told by Dana that Laurel and her manager will never work in this town again! Bitch is out of control!

We don’t think Laurel is too worried about being banned from a “restaurant/bar combo” that only offers two reheated Ellio’s pizza squares for a dollar. The trouble is that two slices are actually just one slice cut in half! This place has come a long way since old Deville’s…

You’d think that with all the cash that place rakes in that they might have the good sense to give back a little to its faithful patrons. We guess Bob’s days of giving back to the community are dead.

It turns out that another annoying shot-boy working and dancing at Mirabar that we all think is a total whore anyway, actually is!

This respectable Mirabar employee can be found working it here. Do porn scouts just flock to Mirabar looking for dumb, broke kids who are already used to being exploited?

Anyone remember Stephen Eysie who used to bar tend at Energy?

Well there’s a good reason we haven’t seen him around lately, he’s off doing porn! Does JWU offer a fucking class on how to break into the porn industry?

Anyway, unlike Ryan Haxton, Stephen’s body may actually be work watching in porn (shock).

Click here if you’re interested.

Click here to see more of Ryan Haxton (“Jayden”, here) getting peed on by three guys, drinking it and laughing gleefully.

He’s like a little boy running through the sprinklers on his front lawn! And Ryan still hasn’t learned to moisturize that ass — you’re on TV, girl!

“Boys-Pissing writes: ‘Young angel-faced Jayden is not that innocent! The smooth piss-loving twink drops to his knees for Mike Roberts, Jacob Wright and Ryan Conners warm piss streams and hot gobs of cum!”

You know it’s only a matter of time before that cock in Ryan’s mouth is replaced by a big steaming log!

Thanks to our sneaky commenters for finding this one.