Don’t know what to do tonight?

It’s Thursday, nobody knows what to do tonight! It’s the lost, bastard child of nights where nobody can tell if the weekend’s started and everyone’s ready to party, or if there’s one more night of staying in with your grandmother. We need a groundhog or something to tell us — or maybe Tony “I’m Straight” McGill comes out of his daddy’s house Thursday mornings and if he sees his shadow on the sidewalk in front of Energy, there’s still one more night of staying in before the weekend.

Speaking of Tony, if you’re really desperate for something to do, go down to Metropolis at Gallery — Sarah Beyers and Parrys Hampton are performing some sort of Moulin Rouge/burlesque number and Tony’s giving away a Vegas vacation… for one person. Wait, doesn’t that sound odd? A vacation giveaway for one person? We’re no travel agent, but aren’t vacation packages basically built for price around a standard two person ticket? It’s cheaper for everyone that way, right?

We’re willing to bet that Bob Thibault booked a trip for two to Vegas and his companion dropped out, leaving an empty seat — and the catch tonight for the “winner” of the single Vegas vacation is that they’ll have to spend it riding around the airport with Bob on one of those golf carts! It’s like reality show material!

UPDATE: Oh wait, Tony’s thing it next Thursday. Guess you’re screwed for tonight if you’re not in the mood for a hot body contest!

Buddy Cianci talking with Alex Tomasso outside Fatty McGee’s busy 1 Year Anniversary party Wednesday evening.

Fabulous! Wonder what they talked about?

Tony “I’m Straight” McGill at State Sunday night, trying to generate interest in a gay night at Fatty’s.

Ha! That sounds to us as pointless as trying to get a gay night at Ri Ra.

Left: Shrek
Right: Mr. Gay Rhode Island 2009, Scotty2Hotty

So it’s only a couple days until super-tranny Amanda Lepore and Roxy-menace Chris Harris land back at Lupo’s for the return of something or other — and we thought it would be nice to give everyone a little background on the situation. Because it’s fabulous.

First of all, it’s important to note that this Friday with Harris and Amanda will be taking place at Lupo’s, not Roxy — while the physical location is exactly the same, technically (and legally) they are different establishments on different nights of the week. Different staff (same liquor though), different managers and different licenses. This means that Mr. Lupo can do things on his nights that Roxy cannot, like those obnoxious all-ages shows with ten different hip-hop one-hits that block Washington St. with radio station-owned Hummers and 15-year-old girls giving hummers.

Wait, those always take place on Fridays… like this Friday. Oh yeah! Harris neglects to mention on his flyers that he’s having Amanda Lepore, naked, foul-mouthed, barbie-doll turbo-tranny for an all-ages show — no ID for entry, just positive ID to drink (and we all know how that works). So how do you get a local, underage crowd down to Lupo’s on such short notice? Call the cops into Energy on suspicion of underage drinking! (again). That, or have Big Scotty send out an email invite to everyone in his contact list — and bam! — a new generation is turned on to cross-dressing and sexual reassignment surgery.

Anyhow, Harris spends this week running around like he’s got a load in his pants on account of such short notice on Lepore’s booking — but waiting until the last minute usually isn’t how things work in CHP World (eg: we got that Caligula New Years party at Roxy thrown in our faces last AUGUST while in P-Town), so what gives? Well, we were supposed to have Kristine W. (again) but she sprained her ankle or something and cancelled everything for six weeks. Our money is on those sneaky Perry Twins tripping her during rehearsal thinking they’d get the booking for Lupo’s instead — how very Showgirls of them. But no, in a move he referred to as “pulled out of his ass”, he logged onto Amanda Lepore’s Myspace site and snagged the number of her booking agent (212-505-7775 ex. 101, Tony McGill that’s for you, girl) — and like magic, Chris Harris Presents hops on the Tranny Invasion band-wagon!

But don’t worry, there are still going to be some surprises surrounding Friday night — we hear that after Amanda finishes saying “my pussy” 500 times on stage, she’s going to be tossed into the crowd and bounced about like a blow-up doll!

We won’t complain too much though, it’s not like we’re not getting anything out of this — (full-disclosure coming up) Harris is giving us our own Bitchidence VIP area, which although will likely be a roped-off square in the back alley or in the caged area opposite the old DJ booth, we still hope to pack with fake weave, sequins, and the trannies that own them.

It’s going to be internment-camp-chic!

Okay, so forget the normal weekend bullshit. Mirabar? Check. Dark Lady? Totally, who didn’t? It was a gorgeous weekend with weather warm enough to thaw the frozen vaginas of those stuffy gays we never see — so everyone was out, which is what we expect from everyone in the first place — but that’s another post.

The real party was at Therapy Saturday night with Robbie Rivera!

We’d been thinking about the night for weeks and weren’t sure if we’d make it or not. Therapy can be a real project sometimes what with pat-downs and $40 covers (only $25 pre-sale, bitches… get with it), and then you have to remember how to get past the crack dens and abandoned buildings in Olneyville to the warehouse building that’s pretty non-descript to begin with. But that didn’t stop us!

We showed up down there (on foot) around 2:30a to find an absolute mob scene. It was like a damn retail holiday rush — nobody seemed to know what was going on, they all just wanted to get inside. We made quick work of that, breezed through the downstairs (nobody was particularly interested in anyone spinning on the first floor) and could barely move once we got upstairs. Robbie Rivera was fabulous, completely dancable — anything but trancy and boring. We simply can’t complain — the place was slammed right up until we stumbled away at 5a.

This all caused us to drag serious ass when we showed up at State last night. We pretty much slept through Trannymania/Josh Duffy video premier party at Bravo, which was unhelpful because we were hungry. We’ve never seen a really packed night at Bravo, which says something because the place isn’t that big to begin with, and we heard that Sunday night was no different. Honestly, if you weren’t actually in the video (like so many people were), would anyone really be interested in going to see a new music video for a song we can barely remember by an artist we’ve only heard/seen once (in person, or on tv/internet/radio). Translation; trannies probably should have pushed their end of the event a little harder.

Anyway, State did not suffer from such issues — since everyone showed up! The Hampton Twins sent DJ AV8 outside for a smoking break about halfway through the night (although we don’t think he got all the way through a butt) so they could dazzle the crowd with “sick sounds and beats… twisting remixes to a level never heard before.”

We know we’d never heard anything quite like if before…

“If I don’t get 3,000 heads total over the next three events, I swear I’m leaving Providence forever.”

– Chris Harris on Amanda Lepore at Lupo’s, Military Ball at Therapy & Deborah Cox at Lupo’s

Ha!

Come with us tonight to Bravo for a first look at the new Josh Duffy music video for his new single I Will Love You, filmed on location at Bravo last January — and as an added bonus get a look at the Jimmy James video Summer Sun! Live performances by the Hampton Twins, Laurel Casey, co-hosted by Miss Gay RI 2009 Divine Lee Sei and Sarah Beyers. Should be a real show, alright!

Then join us at State for the after-party and main Designer Sundays night with DJ AV8!

The lord hath given Providence Ada, who shows the light to anyone who bitches about how expensive and time consuming dressing in drag can be. Ada can’t even change her mind, yet dresses herself for pennies a day; and teaches us that looking like a real lady is as easy as searching between your couch cushions for loose change.

Amen.

Okay bitches, what do you get when you cross Ladiva Jonz, Ella Gantz, a mostly naked Kevin from Alley Cat, Michael Slade in a banana-hammock and Fashionista singer, Jimmy James?

Answer? Summer Sun!

If you’re like us, you didn’t know that Summer Sun is Jimmy James’s first single, and its music video was filmed in Rhode Island last year using some of our favorite local personalities. It was going to be Jimmy’s first music video before Fashionista, but for whatever reason was never released… until now!

In addition to Josh Duffy’s music video I Will Love You, Summer Sun will be premiering tomorrow night at Bravo for the Pride video release party. We hear it’s entertaining — Slade in a Speedo? Entertaining is probably not even the word!

The fun starts tomorrow night at 7!