When the only thing better than doing it once, is doing it twice! And that’s why we have tonight — and shit, are we going to be busy.

Our first stop is down at Dark Lady for Paint It Pink’s Xanadon’t. It’s a space-cosmic electro dance party! It’s likely to be wacky and fun, like all of Noah’s other events, and if there’s a Darth Vader chick in a body suit doing the pee-dance on stage, we’ll seriously pee our pants right there on the dancefloor and thank her for it after.

After that, and not to be missed (this is a Sunday after all), we’re heading over to State to glam it up for a few hours on the couches. We’ll need to rest our feet (but NOT our livers) before the insanity that shall be Military Ball at Therapy. This party is consistently legendary at one of the biggest and most unique (that’s code for creepy) venues in the city. Packed dancefloor until 6am? Check. Globe-trotting DJ’s abusing an amazing sound system? Of course! Back hallways with secret rooms and black-out orgies? You betcha. Full bar? Until 2am! If you’ve never actually been to Therapy, this is the party to go to — you see most of the normal downtown gay crowd that usually can’t be coaxed into setting foot into Olneyville.

Oh, and it’s a fundraiser, so you won’t have to feel too dirty in the morning!

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Tonight, Dark Lady’s answer to tomorrow night’s Military Ball is Honorable Discharge! Honestly though, we think that the Dark Lady gives its patrons a little too much honor — but discharge is discharge, as long as there’s going out involved, right?

Anyway, head down there tonight dressed all military-like and see how seriously people really take this weekend! There will be (probably really long) dragosaurus performances and music by DJ’s AV8 and special guest (emphasis on special) Tony “I’m Straight” McGill “I’m Really a DJ” Richards!

Okay bitches, so the story goes like this.

We’re on our way downtown last night and we’re all set to walk out the door and it seems like a good idea to check Bitchidence.com’s admin panel to get a last look at our stats for the day. And although we’re all connected to the internet, our computers can’t find the server that Bitchidence.com sits on (shouldn’t websites be found in several places for this exact reason?).

Anyway, after sending a few unreturned emails to our web host, and being total cunts about it, we find this message:

Official announcement.
On May 21 approx 20:30, one of our servers hosting accounts starting with “u**..” was repossessed by the FBI in cooperation with our datacenter provider Sagonet.com for investigating illegal files hosted by some of our customers. Since we are not allowed to get the servers back or any of the backups, we are currently setting up a new server for our clients. Each customer having account starting with u** will be personally notifyed once the new server has been set up so they can log in to re-upload their website files. We apologize for any inconvenice this may cause.

Excuse us, what?

The FBI? Hosting illegal files? Are our web hosts scumbags? Probably! We can’t even get access to our backups??? Well fortunately, as we all know, this has happened to this blog before — but nobody backs up regularly!!! NOBODY!!!!

We got most of it back, but lost two posts and still have some images that aren’t linked up correctly. Naturally, we must apologize to our faithful advertisers for making their valuable ad space unavailable for almost a day — kind of embarrassing.

On the bright side, like we said in our Bitchidence! Facebook Group email, some asshole now gets to hang around Washington reading Bitchidence for a few days looking for illegal shit!

Ha!

Up for a theme party tonight? Go down to Dark Lady for Tranny-mania Hanna Montana Tribute night! Wait, does she have more than one song? Will everyone be dressed as Hanna Montana? Looking at this mini-ad, we never realized how tranny-ish Miley Cyrus actually looked.

Best of both worlds, indeed!

So everyone knows that this weekend is Memorial Day Weekend, the unofficial start of summer, and all of the fabulous parties, beach days and margaritas that go with it. And in the spirit of all of those things, everyone is having a party to celebrate more partying. We won’t even think about thinking of a better reason!

So what exactly is going on? Over the next few days, we’re going to be running down who’s doing what, and just what we think of it!

First up is Mirabar!

This party is three days long, the main event being Saturday. DJ Richard Michael does the main room inside all three days since on each of the days, DJ Kenny and Cisco are either away for another event or outside in the tent, respectively. Incidentally, we created this poster for Rich three years ago for the first time he DJ’d all three days of Memorial Day weekend in 2006, and he’s used it ever since (although it’s been bastardized with the Mirabar rainbow logo). The poster itself practically forces Rich to have his hair dyed bleach blond every year by Memorial Day weekend — or else nobody would know he was the DJ.

Fabulous.

So Sunday we’d finally recovered sufficiently to make an honest effort at State. And it’s a good thing too, because everyone was there! As usual.

The good part is that Sundays at State have maintained “busy” status for the last several weeks and are at least reliable, if nothing else. Although, LaDiva swears up and down that you can have just as much fun Sunday nights at Wheels, and she’s right — if you’re willing to accept the trade out of lush palm foliage for hypodermic needles.

Anyway, we saw Miss Gay RI 2009 (for the first time without her sash, we think) and Jackie DiMera for the first time in drag in weeks. We even chatted up RI House Majority Leader Gordon Fox and together came up with a plan to unionize the shot-boys of Providence — of course it died in committee once we remembered that none of them would ever take their rights seriously, citing the enduring shot-boy credo, “I’m only doing this for the money”.

Hopeless!

If you’re like us and are looking to make it out drinking downtown six consecutive nights in a row, go down to Dark Lady to see Llove, Dirty Dirty, & 3D Mystery.

Paint It Pink is stiffing you for $3 to get in and dance, but the sex is free of charge.

One of our favorite trannies at the new lesbian night Alibi last Thursday at Balls in Cranston.

Now girl, we love you to death — but no, no, one million times NO! We’ve seen your act before (it’s good!) but it’s never been like this!

Bad tranny!

Okay, so it’s pretty obvious by now that Saturday did not go well. It’s probably happened maybe one other time — when normal people figure it’s time to take a time-out and just sack out on the couch for the night, we decide to go out downtown hungover.

We stopped by Mirabar, you know, because it was Saturday and you’re at least guaranteed to see people you know… probably. We saw everyone’s pal Kathy (Crazy Blond Bitch) who had a Friday night similar to ours and was drinking water from a red plastic cup. We called her a quitter.

Having had quite enough of that and feeling 110% out of it, we trudged down to Alleycat to sit and stare at a Bacardi & diet for a few more minutes until the place closed. However on the way in the joint, we spotted our old buddy Big Scotty chatting with Eddie C (of Eddie C’s Salon on Wickenden St., incidentally where Kevin from Alleycat gets his hair cut) and cousin Sal, both of whom cut the Scotty off mid-sentence to say hi, which tickled us a little. Okay, a lot. We’d actually never met Eddie before that night, but found him sweet (and sloshed) as pie, and now issue a personal “haaaay” to all the girls working down there.

We also heard last night that Scott’s new joint is finally set up in South Providence somewhere. Likely nestled under a 95 overpass, so if you come across any homeless people during the course of your day, make sure to inquire if it’s open yet.

Friday night put us at State for the Studio 54 party, which we were muy excited about.

Days in advance though, DJ Dena “discovered” that she had double-booked herself between State and Pure @ Pearl and unfortunately had to drop out from the night — which was disappointing because we really wanted to see how she was going to mix her way out of Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love, Babe.

Anyhow, cover was $10, although it should have been $8, in line with the traditional Studio 54 cover the entire time it was open. The place really cleaned up though, with dancers (including the luscious Therapy girls) and one single VIP pavilion (crammed with champagne bottles) reportedly worth $1200 for the night. Apparently obscene luxury is alive and well in Providence. Add tiny (and not so tiny) disco balls and a “man in the moon with a cocaine spoon” sculpture hanging from the ceiling, a Chris Harris limping around with a broken toe from breaking up a fight the night before, and it truly was a Studio 54 party.

However it was a Friday. So all of the normal Friday straight people showed up, of whom we knew very few — and the event was largely panned by the gays, although the ones who did show up enjoyed making a scene. Love the gays.

So we left Throop Alley, which by this point had turned from an actual alley to a main thoroughfare, and went to Dark Lady, where we found much of the gay aftermath from the Studio 54 party. There we found Ada, Vienna, Elle, and some guy she was dragging around. So we dragged them all to Mirabar! DJ Kenny was still sick from the night before so he had a replacement, though he was missed.

This is where things get a little funny.

After last call at Alleycat, as we are prone to doing, Bomb Dome showed up along with a few other friends and Afterhours ensued… which was fine, of course, there wasn’t even any shouting out of windows. But as the sun was coming up, someone suggested a little joint down the street called Sports Tap, which opens at 6am. Now we’ve heard of these places, we didn’t know that this little dive bar down the street from Fantasies was one of them, but we know there’s another one on Empire Street that also opens way early. We understand that these places are licensed properly, and although we can’t imagine what someone would be doing (let alone us) at 6am that they’d need a drink, people still show up. And we did!

For us, it was serious curiosity that brought us there — although we swear that Bomb Dome knew exactly what she was doing… Anyway, several beers and HOURS of drinking later, (and nothing on the juke box but Elvis and Patsy Cline) everyone gets hungry and realizes that IHOP is right down the street… also not a good idea, as it resulted in the manager on duty confiscating our beers from us… which we had brought with us (well, we hadn’t finished them yet!). Soccer parents, kids straight from their Saturday morning little league games, and us slumped in our booth looking like we’d just gotten squeezed out of a soft-serve machine. Thankfully we can (just barely) justify it as “nightlife research”, and endure the hangovers so you don’t have to!