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Deep!

Would you pay for it?

Okay, so remember yesterday when we said we had no use for the boat cruise? Well we take that one back! Correction; we have no use for most of the boat cruise.

And why? Well let’s first ask ourselves what happens when we take a decent cross-section of Providence nightlife, corner them in a confined space with no exit for a few hours, and add liquor. These bitches practically have no choice but to put on some crazy shit!

So let’s all transport ourselves (in our minds) to the boat cruise last night, a decent amount of time after leaving the dock in Warren, and certainly enough time to slam a few drinks and begin not to care or think about what you’re doing — you’re in the middle of the bay, who cares what you do, right? This was the mind-frame of one Matt Adams, Energy owner Tommy Menna’s trouble-muse and traveling butt-boy who, after some deliberation among friends, decides how much of a spectacle it would be to shampoo Kitty Litter’s wig with his drink. Do underage drinking laws not apply in the bay? Well either way, that’s what he did, and was quickly left with the result anyone could have predicted — cats just don’t fucking like getting wet! Now picture getting a drunk cat wet, and you’re getting a better idea of what happened to send this story right off the rails — so after a little “what the fuck?” argument, Kitty makes the decision to smack Matt in the mouth a couple times to express her displeasure. Now Tommy needed that mouth in good condition for later, so in a move meant to protect his interests, Tommy swoops in with a blow to Kitty’s head, of sufficient force as to send Kitty’s now soaked wig flying across the room! This is where we offer a night’s bar tab to whoever sends us the best picture of this all taking place.

Now let’s return to reality here on land — these bitches are all still crazy! Since when is it appropriate for everyone in this community (fundraising drag queens and boy-toting club owners alike) to run around smacking each other in the face? Now we get a little pushy at times in public, but a spectacle of this magnitude, visibility and total inappropriateness, we haven’t seen for quite a while. This also isn’t the first time Tommy has gotten physical over some issue surrounding Matt — remember this? Matt of course just deserves a spanking for acting badly, but after all that the other two have managed to accomplish in this community and in Providence, neither of them could manage to control themselves? Maybe Kitty should take some of that benefit money and take a fucking kickboxing class or something!

So stepping back a little further, Kitty will obviously be having none of this (aside from her throwing the first punch, she’s essentially the victim here), this will obviously create just another rift in a community that still can’t come together properly — and at an event designed specifically to do the opposite. Charlie McGraw must be so proud.

Nice going, bitches!

So were you there? Got anything to add to this fuckery? And we weren’t kidding about the best picture, because know Jack won’t be posting any of it on his site!

If you’re like us, you had little use for the boat cruise. Sounds fun, right? An evening on the water, the beautiful Narragansett Bay, booze, food, who could ask for more? Our issue comes when you’d get so liquored up, or something would happen that would cause us to want to get off, and you couldn’t! Unless you brought a blow-up raft or an inner-tube (and you know we would!). Besides, we just woke up! (after a long night at Therapy)

That being the case, we’re about to get it together and head down to State tonight for our very last Summer Sunday with DJ Tonyy McGill Richards in what is sure to be the biggest and best night to date, you know, once the booze cruise docks. If you’re on the cruise, you’re likely not reading this (unless you have an iPhone, in which case, see you at State, bitch.) And if you’re just waking up, like us, you can get $5 drinks until 11pm!

So after the comical fuckery involving Energy, junkies (surprise), Fat Scott (surprise), and Harris, State shut down at 1 and we still had a going-away party for Elle to return to!

There was most of a liquor-melon and some sangria left, so we got it together and descended back onto Ada and Vienna’s place with Nissa. Now this foursome combo (Vienna had had enough) had never come together in an after-hours setting — and it was out of cunt-roll. After making our first drink, we went to the freezer to chip some ice off of an open bag, and ended up spilling a plate-full of frozen chocolate eclairs all over the kitchen floor, which after some funny comment got launched into Ada’s room (kids, do NOT invite us to your house for after-hours if you’re not in the mood to clean something up, remember Ty with the super-soaker????). In all this fun though, we didn’t realize that Ada had quietly turned on her webcam, broadcasting our after-hours goings-on to about 1,500 people on something called Cam4 (of which we had no prior knowledge… seriously!).

Not to be thought a prude, especially after having a few drinks — we went with it! Who wouldn’t? Nothing sexual, just some silliness for the camera! As if this all wasn’t funny enough, the real attraction here was in the viewers — bitches are dirty, nasty and really quite creative!

We became “White Shirt” and “Red Shirt” (until they learned our actual names on account of the audio we didn’t know was enabled), while Ada and Nissa were “Ada” and “Nissa” (on account of them already being webcam superstars). We were asked (and ordered) to do all kinds weird shit involving food, drugs, each other, parts of the bed, etc. We were called “party gods”, “fuck sluts”, and “white shirt better not show his ass” — apparently we were the #1 show on the website for like three hours!

For real, who wants to host our next tranny Cam4 party?! Be okay with cleaning things like chocolate eclairs off the floor…

So, we were thoroughly unimpressed with the weekend. You disappoint us! Well, in comparison to what happened on Sunday, of course.

Quick rundown though:

Friday started at Dark Lady with nobody there as usual, so after a couple shots we check out Union/Eagle with Jackie Collins (we caught her in the dressing room, texting). Then Mirabar and Alleycat with old friends (one of whom just moved into Chris Harris’s old apartment), end game. It was so hot out though, who could concentrate?

Saturday started at Energy/2xcess, with new shot boys and the same strange old men (that’s going to really go over once the colleges get back, which has already started) then a trip over to the Dark Lady. Then to Balloons with Bomb Dizzle for her complimentary (and obligatory) bottle of poppers, then to Therapy sans trannies… then it all kind of trails off from there. Typical, right?

Well Sunday was anything but typical! We showed up at Elle’s going-away party at Vienna & Ada’s place, Ada met us out front looking like Cher in the Turn Back Time video, and led us upstairs to find Gary from Union, Ron from Dark Lady, Nissa, Vienna, Sarah Beyers, Elle of course, and a few other notables. Cut to the liquor-melon (picture of the day), a few cups of Sports Tap-grade sangria later, and we were ready to head to State for the night with DJ AV8. Now we haven’t had AV8 at State for several weeks, bitch has been indesposed much of the month, but we still catch him at Dark Lady a few times a week. This week at State was completely different, and AV8 totally rocked the place apart (maybe ignoring endless requests for Britney helped).

Meanwhile though, as things were being just generally fabulous at State, it was a different story down at Energy. As it so happens, some crack-head bitch wanders into the 2xcess side of Energy, gets into some sort of argument at the bar, and proceeds to call the police down to Energy, claiming that there was a loaded weapon stashed somewhere. Now we have no doubt that this was not the case, and that this bitch knew that causing the police to search the entire bar for a non-existent firearm was a good way of making sure Energy’s Sunday night suffered. And it did, but ended up opening for the last half hour. But the fun was not over, oh no! Fat Scott, who rarely goes down to Energy, especially when Tommy’s not in the city, somehow turns up down there for a few minutes. All of this on the same night? Sounds fishy! You just know that Scott hired some junkie to go down there to cause trouble, then showed up after the fact to watch frustration ensue. Bitch is shady like that!

Monitoring the situation from a safe distance at State, we shared the story with one Chris Harris who happened to show in — who immediately jumped in his SUV upon news of Scott’s whereabouts and got his ass to Energy. We don’t know why Harris has a bone to pick with Jabba, but we’re willing to bet that it has something to do with a transaction involving Recess Pub. Scott gets off on screwing anyone out of anything, so nothing would surprise us at this point!

Right: Whitney Houston, pre-crack whore
Left: Ada Adore de la Cruz, pre-crack whore

This is Gia Devaroux — we know her name, but can’t figure out if she’s a drag queen or a tranny. She was on our “Providence’s Favorite Drag Queen” poll, but upon closer inspection, we’re not so sure where she belong. This is a hard one!

What do you think?

This is the liquor-melon at Elle Davenport’s going-away party last night.

Remind you of anyone?

He’s back!

After sleazing around all of New England over the last couple weeks, DJ AV8 returns to Summer Sundays at State tonight! And in honor of that (and everyone’s general bitching), State is springing for $5 drinks before 11pm! And with no $10 covers to deal with, it’ll be the cheapest (ha) night in the city.

Before that though (and adding to the cheapness), we’re going to a very special party for Elle Davenport to celebrate her leaving town and taking her general air of “mystery” to Las Vegas. That, of course will end at State — so if you have any inclination to get in those jeans before she leaves, get your ass down there!

Vienna, Nissa & Ada, pictured here at Foam Party last weekend as they witness Matt White trying (really hard) to fill Ty Wooley’s shoes.