“Why is my girlfriend so unhappy? Her dad died like a week ago, and I thought she would get over it by now, but she’s being a real emo about the whole thing. Last night, I told her to stop whining and move on with life. I mean, she’s 15 years old, she can handle herself, but she got really angry and I was forced to kick her out of the house because she wouldn’t stop whining about how I was being “insensitive”. How can I make her happy again? Because her whining is really getting in the way of my plans to introduce her to anal. Women can be so selfish.”

Witness firsthand, bitches, the sluttiness that was Foam Party last weekend at the Dark Lady!

In case you can’t tell, this picture was rotated 90 degrees to give the illusion of just ordinary, garden-variety sluttiness… but the truth is much, umm, sluttier… Pictured here is Dark Lady shot-boy and dancer, Matt, defying gravity against Dark Lady’s exterior.

Extra credit if you can name who shares both of the other men in the picture as sugar daddies!

hint: He works all over town!

Left: Investigative journalist, Kitty Kelly
Right: Jayden Taylor in, umm, a wig.

This one came from you bitches, and is WAY too good to let rot in a comment string. The hair! The over-the-shoulder, coquettish, flirty face!

It demands a chuckle!

Providence’s own Alex Tomasso with the world gay community’s own Liberace in 1979. [click the pic for a closer look]

This picture is from today’s Lifebeat section of the Providence Journal, and it’s hilarious! Why is it hilarious? Because it gives us a glimpse of where Alex’s fashion-forwardness comes from!

Are you still wondering why he’s dressed in a tux and on stage with Liberace? Well come down to State a little earlier than normal on a Sunday night and find-the-fuck out!

Okay bitches, we’ve been actually rather surprised by the popularity of “Drag Queen or Tranny”, even if the comment strings do keep leading to heavy-hearted, metaphysical discussions about drag queen versus tranny. So let’s switch gears for a minute and have some fun! (at others’ expense, naturally) Take a close look at this one, it’s a reader-submitted picture and we’re certain that it is NOT photoshopped.

Enjoy!

p.s. — do these polls display fucked up for you bitches? We use Safari and the grey box always extends further down than Fat Scott’s rap sheet.

Okay, so the last one was easy. If you haven’t been on Bitchidence.com in the last year then there’s maybe a chance that you didn’t already know that one. And for the 23% that didn’t get it right, there’s no hope for you on this one. We neglected to list Parrys Hampton on the last two polls because frankly, we didn’t know whether to put her on the drag queen or tranny polls! Seriously!

What do you think?

Unless you live on the East Side (we don’t), then you might not have seen the totally gay rainbow lighting job they did on the new Blue Cross Blue Shield building that’s just about finished downtown — picture a 40 x 300 foot vertical rainbow flag in lights.

Now that’s great and all, but what gives?

Everyone made such a big deal out of the State House getting a gay color scheme, is this one flying under the radar of “just because”? Maybe the product of some unpublicized ACOS-BCBS nexus?

Maybe gay (and proud) construction workers?

So, after our last poll adventure, it came to our attention that the “write-in” option, while being utilized, showed results only to us — which is no fun. The question was “Who is Providence’s favorite tranny?”, and the write-ins are as follows:

LaDiva Jonez
parrys
La Diva Jones
LaDiva Jones
vienna
haley starr
La diva jones
jackie collins
Haley Star
Vienna

This leads us to our next question: do you fucking people know the difference between drag queen and tranny? It’s subtle, we know — but instead of sitting here, confused at these write-in results, we got an idea! Drag Queen or Tranny polls! Let’s see just how clear these girls have made it already on whether their shit’s real or not. Our first one is an easy one, a little research and you’ll find out the answer — but don’t worry, these will get harder!

You may be surprised who’s really what!

If you were like us this last weekend, you went to the bubbles!

No, not the creepy, unholy Bubbles that will give you herpes, the fun Dark Lady bubbles that overflowed down Snow Street on Saturday! Were you there? Was it a total blast? The answer is yes, bitches, yes.

In fact, it may have actually been a little toomuch fun. We showed up around midnight when the block was largely filled with people already playing in the foam — it wasn’t exactly foamy though, more like a giant bubble-bath, which we’re pretty sure contributed to the playful mood everyone was in (you know, before everything just got really slutty). We did not play in the bubbles, they were sticky! And kind of odd-smelling, which made us think of some interesting possibilities for corporate party sponsorship (yeah we’re wacked), like what if Escada wanted to promote a new men’s fragrance and got Buck and Rande to pour like five bottles of it into the bubble machine — then at least we’d all smell good by the time we’re all ready to slither down to Therapy.

Anyhow, DJ AV8 was perched outside atop a very shaky scaffolding contraption (it looked like he had been locked up in a tower!), dubbed “the mezzanine”, from which Kitty Litter publicly berated Jackie DiMera all night on the microphone. Poor thing was working the crowd all slathered with bubbles and Kitty’s running her ass around like a damned remote control car! She also hosted all other activities from that very spot, although we swear we heard her shout “dance, little people, dance!” more than once.

Then the liquor started flowing hard, and it became a game to see who could toss who into the foam. Of course, most everyone forgot that you actually fall through the foam, not on top of it — so it was basically a lot of gays throwing each other on the fucking ground (!!!!). Thank you so much, Dark Lady. The people dancing in the bubbles really did have to be reminded to have fun, but not too much fun. Really? What exactly did they think was going to happen? This was not your grandma’s foam party! In the end though, it really kind of just turned into the bubbles…

Anyway, the whole place was a soaking, sticky mess by the end of the night — so we grabbed the trannies and booked it down to Therapy. There wasn’t anything particularly special going on, but it was still busy! That place just doesn’t quit. Poor Ada went and got her damn wallet stolen out of her purse (she does converse with many men over the course of a night). We also caught up with Chris Harris (at like 5am), fresh from Roxy Boston with Pepper Mashay (it would have been legendary if he’d actually brought Pepper). Then home to sleep until 8pm. Day of rest, bitches.

Before we get into the sluttiness that was FOAM PARTY and the following relentless adventure that was Therapy (we really did just get out of bed (it’s 8pm), join us down at State tonight with DJ Marcus Christian to cap off the weekend! Remember bitches, there’s only two more weekends before Labor Day weekend (we think) — so cram that partying in!