Check out some pics published today by Scene of State School last Sunday! It took fucking long enough!

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Anyhow, if you missed last week, be sure to check us out this week at State with Therapy’s DJ Marcus Christian.

So everyone knows Fridays in Providence haven’t been all that hot for awhile. Last night (and indeed, the last couple nights) was no exception, despite some small changes around the city.

For example, Tuesday night — you know, the night we bar-hopped with absinthe bombs and made Harris drive us home — the DJs blew the sound system, leaving the whole room unusable to 2Xcess, so the last few nights the size of the club has been halved. This all comes to the delight of the residents of the apartments in the upper floors of the building in which Energy sits, who make no secret about their dislike for all the noise at street level. It turns out, nobody told them that there have been nightclubs underneath those apartments for a decade. No matter though, many of the administrative decisions made for the building allow the residents and businesses to weigh in via a vote system — and due to the size of space Energy occupies versus the individual units upstairs, everyone has been stuck in a stalemate and Energy is allowed to continue business as usual.

Since things don’t seem to be working out so hot with that “Sugar Bar/Martini Bar” space on Clemence St. that Tommy put together (and we’ve been writing about for years at this point), we’re hoping that something manages to materialize.

Until then, though — we still have tonight! What happens tonight? Haley Star and Jackie DiMera’s show down at Bravo, then normal downtown bullshit and Chriss Vargas at Therapy!

Can you handle it? Probably!

Remember Mad Libs growing up? Remember how you tried to make them dirty, but didn’t completely understand all of the trashy shit you know now? Well thanks to a status update by Vienna Marriott on Facebook, we’ve been reminded first-hand just how much fun that game was. We’ve been giggling all afternoon — here’s our favorite one so far! (our words bolded)

How To Throw A Pirate Party

If you are looking for a/an oily way to celebrate your next birthday, how about a pirate-themed costume party? Start by sending invitations in the form of a buried butt map with an X marking the location of your tampon. Make a sign for the front door that reads: “Ahoy, fuckface.” And fill the house with lots of horny booty – Mom’s silk chicken vaginas, satin socks, and crunk costume jewelry for starters. As your guests come aboard, tie a bandanna around their mojito, place a/an trashy patch over their arm, and give them fake tattoos for their arms and butt cheeks. And remember, when the cake is presented, sing a rousing version of “Happy Birthday” using your pirate name, like “Happy birthday, dear crack pipe -faced Bomb Dome!” Then, and only then, may you cut the chocolate dabble with your erroneous sword.

Make your own!

Crack pipe-faced Bomb Dome! We couldn’t make that shit up even if we went to Therapy ten nights in a row!

So last night ran us ragged. Nothing was really happening, but that didn’t stop us from… um.. making things… happen. First we stopped by Fatty’s to dish with Alex Tomasso about what happened Sunday night at State, and about the fourteen-hour back-to-school block party at Fatty’s this Saturday. We’re a little interested in that this year, nothing like drinking all day to remind you why you came to school in Providence.

Then we blew past Energy and all of the hustlers gathered outside, on our way to Wheels. Now we haven’t been to Wheels in a while, but decided to pop in to see our buddy Noah bartending. He had sent out a mass text, encouraging friends to stop in and degrade him for his unkempt appearance and futile attempts to get into peoples’ pants. We’re there! Anyway, it turned out that there was nobody else there, so we sat and watched America’s Got Talent on the TV (that’s how early it was in the night). After a couple huge drinks, Noah starts pouring us shots from some weird green bottle, which after dropping the shots into glass of Red Bull, we were informed was absinthe. Okay, apart from serving us a mild psychoactive without our knowledge, who the fuck makes an absinthe bomb!? Now obviously it wasn’t as strong as the shit you can get imported from some banana republic somewhere, but it still tasted like ass and screwed us up a little for a few hours. Or maybe it was just the six drinks we’d already had. Who can say?

Anyway, the rest of it was downhill, and that being the case, we went to Dark Lady for karaoke. You know, it’s really not that bad if you’re a little twisted. Okay, a lot twisted. Then Energy, even moreso. That’s where we ran into Chris Harris and had a conversation that we really can’t recall. We didn’t let him get away though, once Energy closed up on us, we were stumbling down the street and caught sight of his silver SUV out of the corner of our eye — then promptly commandeered it and demanded a ride home. And he kindly obliged, even though one of us smelled like vomit.

Happy Wednesday!

Okay bitches, it seems a little weird to be asking questions, but we got a tasty little bit of intel in the few days leading up to our State School party that we’d like very much to work up into a full story — but we need a little more info…

Which local gay works at a Best Western in the Fall River/Dartmouth area?

Remain anonymous, use the Bitch Button! It’s not a sexually-based story, but it’s still a juicy one so don’t let us down, bitches!

So who blew off Out Weekend in Boston to attend State School with us here in Providence? You did? Of course you did, everyone did! By all means, it exceeded all expectations and was a smashing success — we can’t thank you bitches enough for showing your support. Honestly though, we’d have to be trying in order to fuck up a night with an hour of open bar — but then everyone stayed for the fashion show and it gave us a little tickle. You bitches loved it, and it was the type of party we want to see more of here in this city — laidback and fabulous without being Mirabar scummy and slutty.

The night wasn’t without some… interestingness, though — and the fuck-ups started right when we walked in the door at 9p (like everyone else). First though, we decided to finally make it down to Downcity to take a swing at their new menu, which has experienced some excellent changes — we dunked everything we had in that crab bisque.

Then it was State School time, so we walk in the doors at 9pm, and within a half-hour the place was slammed and everyone wanted a drink. Unfortunately, on account of some scheduling screw-up (which we found suspect, considering the circumstances) there was only one bartender, Tony, who just happens to be the slowest, butter-fingered bartender that State employs. Carl didn’t show up until 9:45p, and Jay (our State covergirl) rushed in at 10:05p — they whipped the bar into shape and caught up (special thanks to the both of them) and just in time to start charging everyone for drinks. That’s when we noticed Paul Murphy had stopped by from Mirabar, dressed like a pirate. Truthfully though, we had completely forgotten about their pirate theme, and kind of just thought Paul had made some poor fashion choices. Okay, so an inconvenience — but we got you bitches there and everyone was hanging around, so the hard part’s over, right? RIGHT???

Oh hell no, the hard part is definitely not over — suddenly the credit card machine stops working and the bar can now only accept cash. How the fuck does that happen on a night like this? No problem though, there’s still an ATM machine in the corner — but then THAT goes down too. Bad luck? Not when both the credit card machine AND the ATM run off the same phone line that management found CUT once they traced it outside! Somebody cut the fucking phone line and killed the bar’s chances of serving anyone without cash onsite. Shady! Jealousy! Scandalous! (sounds like the shit pirates pull… )We have some ideas about who did it, but we’ll get to that later.

So fine, someone in the city did not appreciate our efforts and our scalding-hot party we’d gotten everyone in the city to attend. That’s a part of this cut-throat, competitive nightlife environment that’s been cultivated in this city, we’re not about to be stopped!

So despite some suspicious setbacks, we’ve still got a show to put on! Michael Santos, owner and runner of Scene did a fabulous job of producing the event — we totally died when those blue lights changed color for the first time. We planned on having a couple 2Xcess dancers as models, along with some guys nobody knew to mix it up a bit. We even posted on craigslist adult gigs earlier in the week to rustle up some hotties nobody had seen before. We even interviewed a few, none of which showed up! Actually, one of them did show up with his girlfriend, who promptly freaked-the-fuck-out about her boyfriend appearing in underwear and both left. So fine, three models will have to do. Mike Santos had asked (and paid) Jackie DiMera to MC the event, since she has one of the better mic voices in the city and did end up putting on a good show. We spent some time out in front with Jackie, Mike Santos and the models working out exactly what was going to happen — that didn’t stop Jackie from losing two of her three pages of notes halfway through the show, prompting her to ad lib for about ten minutes until we got her shit together. The rest of the show was fine though, the guys looked great and the underwear was totally cute. Mike Santos even set up three mannequins at the door featuring three different styles of underwear — which ended up getting stolen by Bo, one of the bouncers from Fatty’s (classy girl).

In fact, later that night Josh, one of the 2Xcess dancers walked off with about ten pairs of underwear that he claimed Mike Santos allowed to take (right…), nice one, Josh.

Jackie closed the show by thanking everyone, which was very nice, then as she started to notice more and more people in the audience, turned her quick thanks into a five-minute call-out to half the bar — which we found charming, and let everyone know just how many fabulous people were actually there. Then she starts plugging her own events, which was a little shady, but she did MC the whole night so we let her go on and on. That’s when we should have tackled her off the stage, though. We first cocked our head to the side the first time she said “Mirabar” (a no-no word at State). Thats when we realized that she was plugging an event she was scheduled to MC later that night — in a fucking half-an-hour at Mirabar. In fact, she seemed to insist that our event at State was now over, and that it was time for everyone to go watch her do the same thing over at Mirabar! We get her to do her thing at our event, and she promptly fucks us and plugs herself somewhere else on the same night. Who the fuck does that?

So around 12:15a, State experiences a mass exodus as everyone trucks it over to Mirabar. Not really a huge deal though, since the bar could only charge cash for drinks and there was only a disabled ATM in the corner — we really couldn’t have expected everyone to stay around for another two hours. The show was a total success and everyone had a great time, so we’d done our jobs!

We did find it suspicious that the phone line gets cut around the same time we saw Paul Murphy slinking around — who had come by to hand off a wireless mic to Jackie, courtesy of Mirabar (oxymoron there), which was odd because State already has a wireless we’d planned on using. Hmm.

No matter, though, so with everyone gone and nothing left to really worry about — we got a chance to relax and have a few drinks! JJ Royal, our DJ for the night did an absolutely flawless job with the crowd, began to pack up as we planned to close early and move to the party to Therapy.

We got down to Therapy around 2a and ended up staying until 5a or so — making it our third night in a row with trannies down at after-hours in Olneyville. We are classy!

So whatcha’ think? Bad luck or something else?

UPDATE: We just got a call from Jackie DiMera, who insisted that she did not plug Mirabar’s party in effort to put a damper on State, since she had just booked her appearance earlier that afternoon and the gig was still fresh in her mind. (that, and we didn’t tell her that she couldn’t plug Mirabar) She seemed pretty sincere, and we’ve never thought Jackie to be a conniving bitch, so we believe her. She also said that she did not lose her papers, they simply just were not where she thought she’d left them.

It’s here! Our title event for the weekend — State School! Response for the night has been just fabulous, and tonight’s shaping up to be our best, most active (and most boozed up) night at State ever! This weekend has already run itself off the rails a few times, but we’ll get to that in our weekend recap tomorrow… that is if we’re not too exhausted to get out of bed and crawl to the laptop.

No cover with “comped beverages” from 9-10p and underwear show at 11:30p!

Be there, bitch!

So the city is full again — we’re totally excited to get back to packed bars and dance floors, funny college fights with homeless people, drunken riots and police barricades in the street. Like, who isn’t?

But it turns out that not everywhere is what it used to be. We’ve been visiting Energy lately to find poor Roland slumped over the bar with nothing to do! Dark Lady last night played to 20 people! Even Mirabar wasn’t the hottest we’ve seen. What the hell’s going on?! House parties are not that hot, bitches!

Anyway, we bar-hopped all last night (as usual), then landed around 3am at Therapy, which was having a private party (which has never stopped us). It was actually busy — but freaky! Lots of strange (but friendly!) people we’d never seen before, the whole staff kind of bewildered by the whole experience, possibly dancable music, and crazy glow-y decorations that looked like some sexy, radioactive spider was crawling around trapping people. That may have been the look they were going for. Then, in something we’ve never seen before, they took the outside smoking area by the train tracks and transformed it into an outdoor hookah bar for the night — complete with it’s own DJ! We also vaguely remember talking to Jeff LeClair about that old animated G.I. Joe movie. (?????)

This all wasn’t our typical scene, but it was different and we were surprised — so we went for it!

We will likely end up down there later on tonight with trannies for headliner Chris Lake and a slew of other DJs — should be hot. Also tonight is the Pussycat Dolls at Pearl! Actually, it’s just one of them, and it’s one of the ones we’ve never heard of, and although Pearl says she’s going to “perform”, you know that’s just code for “show up for a few minutes, look disinterested, then hop back in your limo that Pearl paid for and book it to Shrine at Foxwoods”.

Fabulous!

Thanks to a faithful commenter, we have video from Nina Flowers at House of Blues in Boston last night! It’s typical crazy Nina (sprinting back and forth, crazy head-bobbing), but that new HoB is the real star of this video — shit looks fierce! We have got to go now…