Well, Halloween has officially started in Providence. CLICK HERE for a sum-up of the Trannymania goings-on last night. Nobody’s outfit was particularly surprising — Nissa was dressed as a dominatrix (so she wasn’t really wearing a costume), and Suzie as a french maid in fishnet stockings. Those fishnet stockings got us thinking though — how the hell was Suzie planning on fucking in those?

Thoughts?

Which local whiner was seen exiting the mayor’s apartment at some ungodly hour last week?

Wonder what they were doing?

Well that was fun!

We’ve never even heard of a bar conducting a spelling bee before, much less having it go over so well. Well what do you want? It was a good fucking idea!

The night was a total disaster to begin with, though. We got there feeling zombie-ish on account of staying at Therapy with Ada, Nissa and Louie DeVito until 7am Sunday morning, then proceeding to throw the prostitute (who was pictured two weeks ago with her hand in Elle Davenport’s purse) out of our house. And in case you’re wondering, a friend brought her over independently of her being a prostitute — she certainly wasn’t there for us. Note to self: Do not leave prostitutes unattended in house.

That said, State never has a cover on Sundays (and on most nights), but in the interest of the night being a benefit for AIDS Care Ocean State, we thought it would be appropriate to attempt to charge $5 at the door. As long as it’s a benefit and not going into our pockets, who’d say no to that? Well we showed up a little later than expected to find a rather busy bar for 10:30p, and nobody taking cash at the door — our door girl for the night had apparently fallen asleep in her car and had since gone home. Fantastic.

Kitty Litter shows up minutes later, sees all of this and wonders aloud about what we’re doing to actually benefit ACOS for the evening. She actually wasn’t a bitch, but we still acknowledged the fuck-up. If nothing else, at least the bar was busy. Fabulously busy. Then came the Spelling B. After prepping Sarah Beyers, we got Ada, Savannah Devereaux, Vienna Marriott and Eric Calcagni AND Parrys Hampton — so basically all loud queens — to compete. Savannah made it through the first round by spelling “ADHD”, Ada got eliminated at “sideboob” because she didn’t use it in a sentence, Eric couldn’t spell “jagermeister”, Sydney (last minute entry) fucked up “procrasturbating”, and Vienna, making good on her comment last week to win everything, did!

Here’s our complete word list:

adhd
chickenhead
sideboob
niggaplease
va-jay-jay
butterface
facebookable
homoblivious
peasantvision
mayorbanger
faggatron
douchebaggery
kthxbye
telemundont
japanophile
jagermeister
nymphomaniac
prostiboots
noassatall
procrasturbating
vaginoplasty

The whole thing worked great, though, and after everyone in the bar figured out what the hell was going on, three more people wanted to participate halfway through the fucking game! Sarah was even asked by several people how to sign up to compete next week. Next week?! Next week is the damn Halloween party with that new Belvedere IX, you bitches are going to have to wait a few weeks before we make you spell “prostiboots” again!

Thanks of course goes to our contestants Savannah Devereaux, Ada Adore, Sydney, Eric Calcagni, Parrys Hampton and winner Vienna Marriott, proud possessor of a $50 bar tab at State next week. Vienna doesn’t care much for that, bitch just wanted to win! Also thanks to Spelling B hosts Sarah Beyers and Kitty Litter, AIDS Care Ocean State for breaking our fundraising cherry (and opening up new and exciting possibilities for future philanthropy — hello?! “Bitchidence” and “philanthropy” in the same sentence?), and to Alex Tomasso for matching dollar for dollar your generous contributions to ACOS, making our interesting Sunday benefit fuckery a total and utter success.

Bitchidence.com would also like to shout out to our new friends Barbie and the rest of the 92 PRO FM office crew that logs on regularly. Don’t you people work?!

Next week: Halloween party. Developing…

Whoa!

We’re just getting up now! (it’s 7p) And you know what that means, don’t you? Something fun to read about on Monday! (maybe Tuesday). We don’t even remember exactly what happened between Mirabar, Dark Lady and Therapy… and afterhours — but it feels, well, unsettling.

In any case, tonight’s the world debut of Spelling B at State! We can’t wait, we have our word list all together, we have the hosts, the place and the time — so get there bitches for some interestingness, and to help raise money for a good cause; Kitty Litter’s mother ship, AIDS Care Ocean State.

So, 2xcess: Male Zone has finally moved out of Energy (and taking all of the energy with it). Energy is now limited to funny-tasting liquor and XM satellite radio. Bummer.

In any case, the new 2xcess will be open and operational by the end of the week in their old location on Allens Ave., presumably with the added abilities of their very unique entertainment license, and under a new name, no less. Originally, the “new” strip club was going to be called Prestige, definitely a move up — likely in effort to attract a “classier” clientele, which that area is sorely in need of. But then Rodney from RI Pride swoops in with his own ideas — a new name, ready-made website, logo, the works — and for lack of a better reason (and because Rodney did it for free, which completely devalues that type of work and does a disservice to those who would otherwise charge for design services), the new place will be called….

TOUCH: Providence

Wait, what?! It might as well just be called “Come, Feel Us Up”! So much for being clever. Well, maybe the new name isn’t completely inappropriate, because most of the kids working there have been touched by most of Providence — so really, Providence will be touching you.

Sexy!

Okay, we know what you’re thinking, “what the hell is this crap?”, right?

Don’t worry bitches, you’re going to love this. We cooked this idea up several months ago, but are only now finding a use for it. We like playing games (and we know Providence loves playing them), and after Hot Body Idol last spring it occurred to us that a short-format, question-based game with contestants could be a hit — if paced and set up properly.

The idea of a spelling bee was dismissed pretty quickly (how lame, right?), until we thought about it a little more. What kind of words could you be asked to spell? And how about using those words in a sentence? And how easy could this all really be after a few drinks, even if the words are relatively easy?

Can you spell “badunkadunk”? Can we use it in a sentence? Yes we can! “Foam padding is used to create Sabrina Blaze’s fake badunkadunk. Badunkadunk.” Throw in a crass drag queen (Kitty Litter) and a strict tranny (Sarah Beyers) — and we’ve definitely got something here! Wanna be a contestant? We can only have four or five to keep this thing moving, so hit the Bitch Button to compete! We’ve even got a prize set up for the winner!

Can you handle it? We’ve got to get our word list and accompanying sentences together — we think they’re all probably coming from Urban Dictionary, so get studying, bitches!

We’re not really ignoring Bitchidence.com, we’ve just been on the run for days… you know, on the run from sobriety. Honorable? Reasonable? Commendable? Absolutely not, but that doesn’t keep us from having a good time. We just came from the New England Nightlife Expo at Twin River, and it was absolutely out of control. It was like a natural-squeezed concentration of all Providence and surrounding-area nightlife bar staff… but trashed and not even close to being late-night. This equals hysterical-ness.

So anyway, as you can see, we had fun last night. Tuesdays are very clearly the new Saturdays. The fun started around 5:30p at the New England Nightlife Expo at the Twin River convention space. Now we went to this two years ago, courtesy of Z-Bar and it was in the same space, but a fraction of the size. This year we attended with 242′s tix, and it was like a giant, indoor, adult carnival — every booth in place for the express purpose of entertaining you and getting you wasted. How great, right? Not to mention that we’re total whores for company swag — just ask the Svedka ice bucket, Stella beer glasses, Three-O chapstick and pop rocks we took home in our Nylo tote bag.

This leads us to the other treat of the night — the Three Olives booth was encouraging people to put Pop Rocks into their mouths before drinking chilled vodka “straight-up”. Sounds silly? It is! — and totally fun. They literally explode in your mouth! And we know you’re into that.

There were bartending competitions, Red Bull mechanical bull riding — and if the whole thing wasn’t over at 8p, we’re fairly certain that the entire place would have degenerated into something resembling a night at Level2, or Ultra maybe. You may commence kicking yourself now for not going!

But the fun did end, so we headed back to the city for something to eat — where we ran into our girl Carissa (driver in tow), the call girl we hung out with at Therapy with Elle a couple weeks ago, we even have a picture of her with her hand in Elle’s purse for reasons unknown. Delightful.

Enter friends from the expo (and a Bernard) and we head to Opa. Then Nara. Then Dark Lady — well, you get the idea.

Mess!

Tonight, after the normal shit is over and done with, we’ll grab a string of trannies and race to Therapy! New York City’s DJ Boris (who has a rather fabulous website if your computer is fast enough to view it) spins the main room with an opening set by Sketch One & Andre Perry. It’s no secret that Providence and vicinity loves Boris, he’s in town every so often and always draws a huge crowd (and everyone knows it) — so we’re looking forward to some fun!

Also watch for the MERI march going on in Providence today, block parties on Snow St. and at Mirabar and so on. We’re sure to catch the tail end of it at Dark Lady’s block party — note the once-a-year gays that only appear on special occasions such as this. Like on Groundhog Day.

Now time for some State Sunday drama! Not about the night itself, but our promoters! Now it’s clear we have a hot night down there on Sundays, you bitches are all over it and we love you for that — but we don’t produce the night alone, oh no… For the last few months we’ve had Graham Stokes, and lately we’ve had local JWU gay, Bernard Belley. And it’s like putting two strange cats together that don’t know each other. You’ve probably noticed that there’s always two different Facebook invites for our State Sundays — we create one and Graham enjoys creating the other, which is a little confusing, but whatever. Well Bernard is having none of this.

Look what we woke up to this afternoon in our inbox:

Bernie talked Graham into adding him as an administrator on Graham’s invite, then promptly cancelled the event! Meow! Now they’re fighting or something, we’re not really paying attention, outside of finding this all just hilarious. The point is, the two invites are now merged and we’re getting a more accurate idea of how this Sunday will go, which is legendary.

So if we don’t see you tonight, apparently we’ll see you tomorrow!

So Thursday night was fun! All we did was go to Andy Morris’s Faggatron down at the Dark Lady. Was there homosexual intolerance? Nope! Was there people dancing on rearranged boxes in the dancefloor? Yes!

Rob and Haley Star on the bar? Check. DJ Mario spinning the same old crap? Double-check! The only think we couldn’t find was event promoter Andy Morris! Although, we did spot some crazy, cracked-out, blond and sequined blond bitch throwing toilet paper everywhere and acting like a robo–

ooooohhhhh there he is…

You know how some people are the “life of the party”? Well Thursday night Andy was a personification of the party — which was a cute idea, we just expected the Faggatron to be more Tin Man and less JonBenet Ramsey. Anyhow, it was busy, people definitely were dancing, and it was very much a Thursday night at Dark Lady — so long live Faggatron.

Friday night we walk into Dark Lady and are immediately in the throes of a dance with Karen Adams, Fox Providence news anchor — it was like some parallel universe, ass-backward version of Dancing with the Stars. Now as we wrote a few months ago, Karen and Providence mayor Dave Cicilline are buds so we knew he wouldn’t be far behind. And there he was — Eric Calcagni got the idea that we needed an introduction, and after a polite “thanks, we know each other”, Eric went back to making out with him. We have MB #3, everyone.

Anyway, after a quick sweep through Mirabar to find DJ Kenny still missing on another Friday night, we trucked on down to Alleycat to find the place much further along in construction than the last time we were there. The place is looking very good. We’re mainly talking about the bathrooms, there’s two now! And not just that, but granite countertops, new paint and fixtures, etc. — it’s not that we’re all about going to Home Depot, it’s that Providence gay bars, one by one are slowly pulling the community out of the idea that gay bars have to be dark, dingy and sleazy. That the gay community doesn’t deserve new facilities that are built just for us (Downcity has done a lot to fix this too). The Providence gay scene is becoming mainstream and it’s finally showing — that our gay bars are not just hand-me-down versions of straight bars with a new coat of paint. So thanks to Alleycat (and future Dark Lady), Downcity and State on Sundays.

Now if we can just fix Mirabar, Wheels, Eagle and Energy. Well, probably not Energy unless they get their shit together.

Have you seen those fucking ads on TV? They’re out-of-control funny!

Now you get an idea of what we’re up against here!