Someone was obviously rushed while making this flyer and fucked up the date.

Probably late for a Mensa meeting or something…

Okay, so we’ve been busy getting our shit together for New Years, so what? So have you! We’ve also been busy moving to a fantastic new apartment and overall getting our shit together. Not too together, don’t worry.

Anyhow, here’s a tasty rundown of what we’ve been seeing lately:

Energy owner, Tommy, is still busy trying to get Energy’s entertainment license returned to him from the City of Providence after some unpleasantness a couple months ago resulting in the re-opening of the Allens Ave strippy, Touched As A Child. At the same time, Tommy has been dealing the business tenants running his Martini Bar, which he owns — the bitches (who also have a hand in Level2) were six months behind on their rent and bounced a $30,000 check! Classy! The location, which has in the past been Score, lesbian bar Mixx, and is reportedly the first Providence location of Mirabar, is scheduled to reopen soon, and will likely be fabulous.

Anyway, by now it’s no secret that Parrys Hampton pulled the fire alarm at the Alleycat a couple Saturdays ago, resulting in her being banned from both Alleycat and the Dark Lady by the owners, who were also her employers. Talk about a rough night — how she escaped prosecution on this one is probably a sign of good faith in our community, so that’s kinda nice. But did you know that she also pulled the fire alarm at Mirabar? Really? You don’t remember that? Well that might be because when she pulled the alarm, it didn’t go off. What the fuck? We don’t know about you, but that more than creeps us out to know that there’s a non-working fire alarm somewhere in Mirabar — but who knows, it could have been a decoy!

Then there’s Wheels, which we spent Christmas night at — and it’s closing soon! Then re-opening a few weeks later, of course, completely renovated and primed to totally alienate the trashola clientele that it has so painstakingly cultivated over the years. Now part of us is excited by this, especially since Alleycat’s Michael Slade is leaving Buck and Rande to go manage the new Wheels, a job that we believe he fully deserves and will be great at, so congrats Michael. We can’t help but be sad, though, at the loss of one of our trashy, dirty pleasures that we love to roll our eyes to our friends about. Oh well, at least we still have Balloons!

So tomorrow night is the continuation of Colosseum’s gay Wednesdays, which have been getting closer and closer to courting Trannymania for an upcoming night. Our favorite J.J. Royal spins good times.

Oh, and have we mentioned that superstar DJ/scummy roommate haver Jonathan Peters is coming to Colosseum on New Years Eve? We didn’t?! Well he is, and we couldn’t be more excited — we weren’t always fans, but he was fabulous at Therapy a few months ago and parties like this New Years Eve party are what he’s famous for, so we’re totally there! Oddly, there are no other big-name DJs in Providence or Boston this New Years, so the crowd Thursday night is going to be out of control. Well, that’s not true — Louie DeVito is at Club Hell, but not to DJ — he’s just showing up for an hour and MCing the countdown. Lame.

So Sunday at State was, well, interesting. It was kinda soft compared to last week, but the whole city was just desolate — so in comparison it did just fine! And they did actually do open bar, which somehow wasn’t our idea this time. Our DJ AV8 did his thang to the sound system, and we got our share of visitors. For example, Ada and friends stopped in, fresh from some harrowing weekend in New York City involving credit card fraud and falling asleep at the wheel of a moving vehicle. Sounds about right.

Haley Star shows in still dressed up from the number she did over at the Dark Lady — where she actually sang live, which both horrifies and intrigues us. Then Kevin, Dark Lady’s Friday night DJ shows in (to our surprise), and proceeded to give us the stank eye over the next twenty minutes. Now in case you don’t remember, we were at the Dark Lady on a Friday a few weeks ago and ended up vomiting disapproval of Kevin’s set all over this site. We think highly of Kevin personally (or at least, we did), we just didn’t think anyone deserved to listen to Love Shack twice in the same night, call us crazy! Well, unable to take a little spicy criticism, Kevin decided to air his frustration to us at State on Sunday night to us in the form of evil eyes, trembling stares, and a lengthly work-up to “well, is there anything you’d like to say to me?”. Now obviously we simply said “No.”, touched him compassionately on the arm, and went to the bar for another drink. You know, like any normal person would do when confronted with strange questions.

This behavior led us to thinking about how to deal with parts of our community that offend easily, or simply just don’t get the joke that is Bitchidence.com. Back-peddling and excuses are out of the question at this point, so usually just being nice, smiling and acknowledging someone’s frustration is pretty much the only consolation that we’re prepared (and willing) to dole out. We’ve learned over the last couple years that the way someone deals with the type of attention we give can provide interesting insight into someone’s personality — meaning, if you can’t laugh at yourself and take a joke, we probably don’t want to be friends with you anyway.

We don’t write Bitchidence because we’re trying to get into fights, we just want things to suck less and people to act right!

Friday night we had to make time for a Christmas party, which just happened to be in the old residence of one Chris Harris, who was not present — although somehow the apartment was setup very much the way Harris’s used to be because there was liquor everywhere. The party was fun, even though we knew everyone — our girl Hali and a few others had spent time coming up with interesting and complicated hors d’oeuvers to throw in our mouths. After a few drinks, though, it was time to try out Colosseum and hit the rest of the bars. Which were fine. We did make it back to said Christmas party after the bars closed to find everyone still there, but still don’t remember much about getting home, which is not new.

Saturday we had absolutely no intention of staying in on account of the impending blizzard, who does that anyway? Isn’t that the best part of a monster snowstorm? Heading downtown and getting wasted in a fully stocked bar while the snow piles up around you? Well apparently it isn’t, because bars and clubs all across the city managed to close early, leaving a small group of people (us) with little choice but to barricade ourselves on Federal Hill at our DJ Tommy Stylez’s house. Unable to find a party, Jenny Bomb Dome and friends happily join us at the Stylez residence and promptly calls the bootlegger. In case you’re unaware, a bootlegger is an unfriendly latino gentleman who drives around the ghetto, delivering bottles of liquor and beer at all hours of the night to lucky boys and girls fortunate to have his number. But before calling him, Jenny was forced to call AAA to change the tire she popped on the way over — and upon the AAA man’s arrival, backed up and knocked over a pet waste disposal bin with her car. Legendary.

After a few minutes of her dealing with the AAA man, we receive a text message from her asking for her ever-present bottle of poppers. Not about to disappoint, we fulfill her request and find ourselves drinking beer in the AAA truck while Jenny and the AAA man huff poppers! Fabulous. Until he tried to drink the bottle like a shot! We’re totally signing up for AAA! If only they’d hire service men who were hot instead of ones that will do any drugs and drink anything you throw at them. Next time.

Okay, now who wants to talk about the weekend?!

We don’t know about you, but our weekend started on Thursday! Since Recess Pub is closed for the next couple weeks (it’s opening under a new name), Jenny Bomb Dome has been free to run wild around the city with us on Thursdays. Alleycat! Dark Lady! Colosseum! JWU finished their shit up on Thursday so everyone was out, just wonderful. Not to be outdone by silly college people, we decided to team up with Ada and blow up Balloons, later joined by our DJ Tommy Stylez and some friends around 3a. You know, we’re often asked why we even go to Balloons; they don’t serve liquor, all of the strippers are 18yo ghetto girls in fluorescent fishnets, they’re open way after-hours, it’s filled with scumbags and is sleazy as fuck — wait, we just made our case! Where else are you going to see some douche shove a rolled-up $1 bill into some skank’s twat and have it stick in there??? Balloons is our guilty pleasure, not because it’s good — but because it’s so, so wrong.

And it does wrong, so right…

In case you missed that Xtube video with one of our locals in it, you can see it HERE instead!

If it hadn’t been so quickly yanked off Xtube, we might have let this one go…

For the latest on the wheelings and dealings our beloved tranny community, along with what Parrys has been up to, and a first-hand account of the Sunday night fundraiser at Gallery, CLICK HERE!

See you tonight at Trannymania and Colosseum’s gay Wednesday!

Wow, bitches get really emotional over a little wee-wee in your din-din! Frankly, that’s always been the reason why we don’t go to Gallery (kidding!… well, not anymore).

Anyway, we’re happy to be up front and say that we were not there at Scotty2Hotty’s Mr. Gay RI fundraiser, and according to some commenters, it seems that nobody else was either. Is that because nobody cares? Because our gay community is lacking some sort of togetherness? We don’t think so! We didn’t even know that there even was something going on at Gallery Sunday night — which unfortunately for Mr. Gay RI 2009, speaks of poor advertising practices (i.e. NO advertising practices). Moreover, who the fuck schedules a fundraiser on the same Sunday night as a multi-bar toy drive by fundraising powerhouse ACOS? Did Rodney they teach those people anything in Gay Rhode Island people Charm School????

Rule #1: Don’t compete with the Litter.
Rule #2: You don’t have to wear your sash every night.
Rule #3: Don’t compete with the Litter!

Oh, and don’t have fundraisers at Gallery. The space is too big to make look busy and too broken up to get everyone’s attention at once. It’s true! It’s not the only place in town with a microphone and a stage!
And the place needs a facelift (insert your own Thibault jokes here). And new carpeting, so we hear.

Okay bitches, which former Mr. Gay Rhode Island was so intoxicated at the fundraiser last night at Gallery that he pissed all over the buffet?! (special thanks to the Bitch Button for this one)

Did you go? Were you hungry?! We could totally see Bob Thibault snacking hard on some soggy pretzels!

UPDATE: After some sleuthing, we finally got the the bottom of this story — and it all starts with a picture. It seems that the buffet story started with Mr. Gay RI 2004, when he went to take a photo with his phone of Gallery’s buffet, which is weird because we heard he was bitching about it once he got there, but whatevs. So reasonably standing over a buffet table turned into peeing on it, which is still funny even though it did not happen. However, you bitches had absolutely no trouble believing that this would happen — which in itself, is funnier than this incident happening or not — and doesn’t even have anything to do with us. Hmmm.

So Friday night we were downtown on Richmond St. and we noticed that Recess Pub was closed. Not just totally dead, but like literally shut down on a Friday night — now we were there Thursday night with Bomb-Dizzle (as you know) and didn’t exactly think anything of the place being closed at the time… until we found out that Cranston gay strip club, 727 has been shut down as well. Apparently that new prostitution law is working after all! Anyhow, the one thing Recess Pub and 727 have in common? Fat Scott, of course! No wonder he was hanging out at the Alleycat all of Friday night — bitch had nothing else to do!

Anyway, the possible reasons for this double-closure could range from loss of a liquor license, to Scott’s long-dead sex-with-minors charges, to both bars’ entire staffs getting caught in his fat rolls — who knows! One’s thing’s for sure, things never last long (and strippers can’t make any cash) when you don’t run your shit right!