“I fucking hate you!”
– Parrys Hampton last Sunday at A Night With Parrys at State, as she bounced DJ Tommy Stylez into the back of the bar when he told her he’d already played Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance
So since GLO Bar has taken an unnecessarily dominant part in our lives as of late, it’s difficult to find a quiet place to sit and type, but we found it — at the high-tech laundromat on Broadway as we wash Glo’s bar towels, and incidentally, as Chris Harris was having his laundry dropped off and we got to chat with ex-Energy bartender Paul. Somehow we saw him with a washer and dryer, but whatevs.
Anyhow, here’s how our Saturday night out with Ada and Jenny Bomb Dome went: GLO Bar > Alleycat > Dark Lady > Mirabar > GLO Bar > Balloons > Therapy > Sports Tap > Glo Bar. It took us seventeen hours, but we did it — and even fit in a drunken game of oversized checkers — but we did it. We ended at Glo because they opened up at 8a for some breakfast thing, although we certainly don’t remember much of that. So home for a few hours then off to State for One Night with Parrys, Parrys Hampton’s MERI benefit and birthday party. When we arrived, Mr. Alex Tomasso commented on our present state as being “what the cat dragged in”, we were inclined to agree.
But no matter, in some Marriage Equality Rhode Island scheduling fuck, the organization just happened to be having another event elsewhere in the city on the same night as ours, possibly resulting in some sort of attendance conflict — so we accompanied Parrys and Ms. Sarah Beyers to the MERI event taking place in the basement Speakeasy of Local 121, to promote our event accordingly for the benefit of unaware MERI supporters. We came to find out that the two events were definitely not conflicting with one another as one was later and the other earlier; and one being One Night with Parrys, and the other lesbian speed dating.
Now we are still continually fascinated by the lesbian community in Rhode Island, probably in the same sense that the scientific community is still fascinated by the mysterious depths of the Earth’s vast oceans. Although we know it’s always been there, we still don’t know a goddamn thing about it. So everytime we get the opportunity to experience a specifically lesbian gathering, it’s like seeing some freaky sea squid light up like a disco ball before squirting black shit at you and screwing. That being said, we started by finding common ground with the obviously lesbian organizers of the event, namely, our involvement with MERI (well, Parrys and Sarah’s involvement, anyway) and smiled our asses off so as not to cause the lesbians to become uneasy in the presence of our overpowering masculinity. And it turns out that they’re exactly like us! Well, not exactly, and we’re not really that interested in attending lesbian speed dating a second time (for obvious reasons), but like a biologist with the crazy sea squid — we want to see it again.
Parrys’s night at State was fantastic — somehow they got everyone to pay a $5 cover (something we don’t think we’d be able to do), and Parrys got a pink cake topped with the un-blowable (ha) candles that nearly set the birthday girl’s weave on fire.
Special thanks of course to Marriage Equality Rhode Island for giving us a theme for a party, and oddly, Chicken of the Sea for donating $500 in fresh seafood to let us know that they’re not just canned tuna.
Okay bitches, chew on this:
While it’s not “White Trash” party at the Dark Lady this week, around 12a the Lady’s Snow St. lot had an RV parked in it anyway. So a wayward snowbird got caught up in Providence and had to spend the night in a free lot, right? Not necessarily!
As it happens, our unimaginably sleazy cross-dressing Trannymania-anchor Suzie was up to (and on) some new tricks. It’s our understanding that the RV idling in the DL lot is Suzie’s new rental while she peformed Dido’s White Flag inside (it’s always about going down on something, isn’t it?) , and that the services of a close-by CBC, and an even more convenient Dark Lady bathroom; are no longer needed — because her new home is just seconds away, and running on diesel!
And just when we thought Snow Street couldn’t get any sleazier!
Anyhow, we’re not here to judge — it’s a good idea! And probably cost-effective, too. You know, pound for pound — or gallon for gallon…
Wonder what’s been up with Bitchidence.com lately? Fucking nothing! Our shiny white Macbook got lifted from State last Sunday (on Bitchidence.com’s 3rd birthday, no less) and we haven’t been online, so that totally sucks. We’re kicking around the idea of offering $500 to let us know who we can kick the shit out for stealing it, knowing full well that whoever is scummy enough to have done it doesn’t have friends loyal enough not to give them up for that much cash. Hey, $50 would probably do it. So now we’re stuck on a brand new shitty blue Dell that looks like a dildo with a keyboard, and we’re already anticipating problems like Ada had with hers. Loves it.
Anyhow, the city of Providence steams (in piles) ahead and it’s going to take a couple posts to get things back up to speed. But you know we will!
Nice class participation on the Bomb Dome vs. Snooki poll btw.
Okay so we’re a few days late, but happy new year, bitches!
So did you have fun? Did you get wasted? Did you get gang-banged at the Eagle? You didn’t? Well someone did! And we heard they shit all over the floor at the same time. Hey, when at the Eagle, right?
We only vaguely remember what happened on New Years Eve, but we did go to Colosseum for Jonathan Peters, who went on way early in place of DJ Tommy Stylez, who was not pleased — but when you’re paying $10,000 for a DJ, you’re not likely to argue with him. After that we went to Therapy, which was fantastically slammed (from what we remember). The following night we made an effort to reconstruct the events from New Years Eve by conducting some text message forensics, but in vain. We were left only with a mysterious message from Jenny Bomb Dome that read “VIP NOW, champagne on his way!”, which gave us a tickle until we realized that the message was timestamped 6:36AM. The mystery still lives…
Anyway, 2010 has been more interesting in the last week than all of 2009 put together — well, maybe that’s overstating the situation, but here goes:
Remember when Tommy Menna changed the locks on Martini Bar because the two Elements people running it bounced their rent check twice? We remember, we were there! Well not about to let the place die — although Martini Lounge was pretty dead anyway, they were only open three days a week — last weekTommy gave us the run of the place and we began a 72-hour, thousand-dollar makeover that touched every surface, fixture and bottle in the place. We also renamed it GLO Bar, (because there are no other bars with that name around here) and began a bar-building odyssey that’s forced us to make business decisions pertaining to our friends, and question the ethics of writing an unabridged gossip blog while promoting a bar.
But who cares about any of that?!
We have Tony from Energy, our bar-back Chris from State, Zac from Eagle put in his 2-weeks the other day so he can do Sundays (who even knew you put in notice at Eagle?), so our staff line-up is filling fast and you know it’ll turn over a few times before it works properly! Ada has put her stamp of approval on the joint by dubbing it “the mothafuckin’ place”, and we’re off!
Tonight we do GLO Bar, Mirabar, Dizzark Lady and Therapy later.
Don’t worry, we’re not dead!
Just almost dead from putting together GLO Bar (literally) and whoring it all over Facebook! We’ll explain the whole story a little later, but in the meantime go down there and check it out so you’ll know what we’re referring to when we mention “glowing tile”.
What’s happened in the first week of 2010? Bars closing! Bars opening! Gang-bangs at the Eagle!
You know, the usual. Developing…
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