While the Triple Crown Pageant this year isn’t for another month, the frequently silly and often bizarre social campaigning for the titles of Mr. and Miss Gay RI, and Miss Lesbian RI seems to have already begun. Thinking of how little we saw ANY of the Gay RI people for 09 do anything publicly visible (unless it’s on a website or a street corner), we think that RI Pride is probably out this year to undo the giant WTF moment we all experienced after the TCP at Roxy last year — meaning some tasty, catty competition among the candidates.

Anyhow, who can forget the controversial (and frankly confusing) situation surrounding prominent pre-op tranny Sarah Beyers running in 2009 for Miss Lesbian RI — on the grounds that while still technically a man, she lives life as a woman and is attracted solely to women, making her pretty much a lesbian. (like we said last year, only in Rhode Island can a straight man be Miss Lesbian RI) Well it seems that Sarah will be taking us down this road again, albeit with a lot of extra power behind her — come on, she did almost more work in the last year than all of the actual Gay RI 09 people combined. The unfamiliar nature of Sarah’s run for Miss Lesbian RI last year certainly felt gimmicky, but after clearly showing a commitment and passion for the issues of the community over the last year, maybe she’s the best “man” for the job. And at least she doesn’t play the guitar.

Here’s a group of girls that are likely to be involved in the Miss Gay RI “drag race” in 2010.

Triple Crown Pageant takes place March 28th. Most likely at Roxy.

This comes as a surprise, and somehow, not as a surprise to find out that our trashtastic Trannymania cross-dresser Suzie was not the owner of the RV parked outside the Dark Lady two weeks ago last night. Why bring this back up? Because it was parked in the same spot again last night!

Determined to find out who brought their own hotel room to Trannymania with them, we soon discovered that it was in fact another, much older cross-dresser (or maybe a tranny) in a bird’s-nesty blond wig and a face like Tales from the Crypt — whom even Suzie seemed to hold contempt for, which seriously gives you an idea of what we’re talking about! And without shame, this bitch was clearly visible surfing the internet from inside the vehicle. Just priceless.

So can we officially claim Snow Street to be Providence’s new red light district yet?

So it’s somehow fallen on us to “work” up a name and idea for the upcoming Fridays at our new GLO Bar. How hard could that possibly be? Pretty fucking hard, actually! So we cycle through a few different ideas, when we decide to take some cues from the trannies regarding trends and come up with “WORK!”, that, and we were listening to Ru Paul’s Work on iTunes and she was pretty much demanding us to the name the night!

So there it is! You betta WORK! Simple, sweet and punchy! We couldn’t ask for more.

Until some bitch in NYC named Peter Rauhofer (jk, we know exactly who Rauhofer is, we grew up on his Madonna mixes) decides to contact us via Facebook acting like a total cunt over us naming GLO Bar’s Friday night “WORK!”, claiming that we clearly had stolen it from his party name and song “Work”.

Now first and foremost, we will do what we want. Rauhofer’s name isn’t on our flyer, and our flyer art is better than his anyway! Second, we haven’t been to NYC in years, (and now we know why!) and have never heard of this “Work”, and if we had, it very well may not have stopped us!

Anyhow, here’s a complete screen capture of the exchange. It’s a good thing we have experience shutting bitchery like this down or else we might have even been sorry!

UPDATE: So after some further Rauhofer Facebook bitchiness, we got an email from Petey’s Star69 Records rep Nima, who was very nice, but explained that they have trademark rights over the word “Work” in reference to giant global club parties and whatnot. This is how they found out about Glo’s WORK, after all — people with nothing better to do on Facebook got confused and thought that Peter Rauhofer was about to show up to Glo (4 hours late, naturally). So with some creative thinking, we changed the name of Glo’s Friday to W*RK!, which not only makes the name of our party look like profanity, but also allows us to use the astrisk properly and stick another little star at the bottom of the flyer explaining that Peter Rauhofer chose to be a huge bitch, resulting in a little dig back — as opposed to a simple name adjustment as requested by his representative.

W*rk it!

Okay, okay, okay — back the fuck up!

Now please forgive us for being a little insensitive, but what in holy hell is going on down at Le Place in New Bedford?! Does a bitch have to pay this place a visit to uncover the origins of masterpieces like this?

This beauty was captured alive at ICRI’s Winter Ball two weeks ago.

Okay, so it’s pretty clear that January 2010 has been one of the missing months in Bitchidence.com, days and days without new content — it’s a wonder you’ve survived so long. But it’s not because we don’t care — in fact, it’s because we care too much – sleeping all day, out all night, drinking and whatnot… it’s hard work! (really!)

Anyhow, let’s go back two weeks to the Martin Luther King Jr. long weekend. We had DJ AV8 over at State and were geared up for a fun night. Now lately the crowd at State on Sundays is young, hot and sexually ambiguous — which is great, a unique, fragile vibe generates — we don’t know if they’re gay or straight, loaded or broke; trying to hard, or not trying hard enough. The night was tense though because of how many people were packed into the place, so we called in some security — not really sure what was going to happen. Would they fight? Or break out into some mass-make-out continuum? Or one then the other? Meanwhile, Mirabar was having their second annual Red Party. Now we don’t know about you, but we think that if it’s Martin Luther King Jr. weekend, and you have to have some sort of colored party, you either throw a Black Party or you throw a White Party — it’s just common sense. Never ones to stir up talk or interest, Mirabar chose to ignore the national holiday altogether and choose an entirely arbitrary theme. Or maybe it was Chinese New Year or something? Anyway, did you get a look at the pics Jack took? Maybe it’s some light filter or something, but everyone in those pics look a hot ass mess! It’s like seeing the FOX news reporters on that HDTV at Downcity, just back the fuck up!

Things at GLO Bar continue to chug along, the bartenders are turning over faster than Suzie at Trannymania — mostly because of stupid shit. No, you can’t drink the entire time you’re behind the bar. No, you can’t give free drinks to all of your friends. Even Eagle bartender Zack bailed on GLO and got back together with MERI die-hard Gary, although we’re pretty that was just a ploy to keep Zack out of GLO. We see Gary every so often, and always get a cold, blank stare — very similar to the stare you get from a raccoon hiding in the fir trees when you get home at night and get out your car.

Friday night we caught up with Sabrina Blaze and barhopped around the city, Sabrina dressed in an outfit similar to her Cruella from the calendar party benefit. We see Sabrina often, but she made it a point to let us know that she’s not leaving Dark Lady karaoke Tuesdays to go to Downcity karaoke Mondays — since there have been bizarre stories about how drag queens can’t do two consecutive karaoke nights at two different places. Personally, we think karaoke at Downcity is a mistake — none of those Tuesday people are going to pay the drink prices at Downcity, and there’s no fucking free pizza waiting for them when they get there!

Saturday we sleazed around the city with Jenny Bomb Dome, and after Dark Lady, GLO and Mirabar, trucked down to Balloons for her complimentary bottle of poppers and a drastically over-priced bottle of Hennessey. We don’t normally get ripped off on our after-hours booze, but at least we know it when we do. So then we arrive at Therapy, Jenny distracting the bouncer at the door so that he doesn’t pat us down and find the bottle of Henney tucked in the small of our back. Once inside, things are gravy — although after too much Henney we gagged and threw up all over Jenny and Richie D’s back (fresh from House of Blues w/ Chris Harris). And not gross food vomit (we don’t eat, remember) — it was fit for second-hand consumption!

Sunday was fantastic at State, trannies bar dancing, more sexually ambiguous college students, etc. Our girl Ada slapped the shit out of one of the hot bar boys in the back kitchen for not responding to her text messages, and Chris Harris brought a copy of the front page of the day’s Providence Journal for Alex Tomasso to sign… work!

Coming up? State’s first year anniversary of our gay Sundays, a very special long weekend party in two weeks, a drag look-alike contest and more!

“I fucking hate you!”

– Parrys Hampton last Sunday at A Night With Parrys at State, as she bounced DJ Tommy Stylez into the back of the bar when he told her he’d already played Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance

So since GLO Bar has taken an unnecessarily dominant part in our lives as of late, it’s difficult to find a quiet place to sit and type, but we found it — at the high-tech laundromat on Broadway as we wash Glo’s bar towels, and incidentally, as Chris Harris was having his laundry dropped off and we got to chat with ex-Energy bartender Paul. Somehow we saw him with a washer and dryer, but whatevs.

Anyhow, here’s how our Saturday night out with Ada and Jenny Bomb Dome went: GLO Bar > Alleycat > Dark Lady > Mirabar > GLO Bar > Balloons > Therapy > Sports Tap > Glo Bar. It took us seventeen hours, but we did it — and even fit in a drunken game of oversized checkers — but we did it. We ended at Glo because they opened up at 8a for some breakfast thing, although we certainly don’t remember much of that. So home for a few hours then off to State for One Night with Parrys, Parrys Hampton’s MERI benefit and birthday party. When we arrived, Mr. Alex Tomasso commented on our present state as being “what the cat dragged in”, we were inclined to agree.

But no matter, in some Marriage Equality Rhode Island scheduling fuck, the organization just happened to be having another event elsewhere in the city on the same night as ours, possibly resulting in some sort of attendance conflict — so we accompanied Parrys and Ms. Sarah Beyers to the MERI event taking place in the basement Speakeasy of Local 121, to promote our event accordingly for the benefit of unaware MERI supporters. We came to find out that the two events were definitely not conflicting with one another as one was later and the other earlier; and one being One Night with Parrys, and the other lesbian speed dating.

Now we are still continually fascinated by the lesbian community in Rhode Island, probably in the same sense that the scientific community is still fascinated by the mysterious depths of the Earth’s vast oceans. Although we know it’s always been there, we still don’t know a goddamn thing about it. So everytime we get the opportunity to experience a specifically lesbian gathering, it’s like seeing some freaky sea squid light up like a disco ball before squirting black shit at you and screwing. That being said, we started by finding common ground with the obviously lesbian organizers of the event, namely, our involvement with MERI (well, Parrys and Sarah’s involvement, anyway) and smiled our asses off so as not to cause the lesbians to become uneasy in the presence of our overpowering masculinity. And it turns out that they’re exactly like us! Well, not exactly, and we’re not really that interested in attending lesbian speed dating a second time (for obvious reasons), but like a biologist with the crazy sea squid — we want to see it again.

Parrys’s night at State was fantastic — somehow they got everyone to pay a $5 cover (something we don’t think we’d be able to do), and Parrys got a pink cake topped with the un-blowable (ha) candles that nearly set the birthday girl’s weave on fire.

Special thanks of course to Marriage Equality Rhode Island for giving us a theme for a party, and oddly, Chicken of the Sea for donating $500 in fresh seafood to let us know that they’re not just canned tuna.

Okay bitches, chew on this:

While it’s not “White Trash” party at the Dark Lady this week, around 12a the Lady’s Snow St. lot had an RV parked in it anyway. So a wayward snowbird got caught up in Providence and had to spend the night in a free lot, right? Not necessarily!

As it happens, our unimaginably sleazy cross-dressing Trannymania-anchor Suzie was up to (and on) some new tricks. It’s our understanding that the RV idling in the DL lot is Suzie’s new rental while she peformed Dido’s White Flag inside (it’s always about going down on something, isn’t it?) , and that the services of a close-by CBC, and an even more convenient Dark Lady bathroom; are no longer needed — because her new home is just seconds away, and running on diesel!

And just when we thought Snow Street couldn’t get any sleazier!

Anyhow, we’re not here to judge — it’s a good idea! And probably cost-effective, too. You know, pound for pound — or gallon for gallon…

Wonder what’s been up with Bitchidence.com lately? Fucking nothing! Our shiny white Macbook got lifted from State last Sunday (on Bitchidence.com’s 3rd birthday, no less) and we haven’t been online, so that totally sucks. We’re kicking around the idea of offering $500 to let us know who we can kick the shit out for stealing it, knowing full well that whoever is scummy enough to have done it doesn’t have friends loyal enough not to give them up for that much cash. Hey, $50 would probably do it. So now we’re stuck on a brand new shitty blue Dell that looks like a dildo with a keyboard, and we’re already anticipating problems like Ada had with hers. Loves it.

Anyhow, the city of Providence steams (in piles) ahead and it’s going to take a couple posts to get things back up to speed. But you know we will!

Nice class participation on the Bomb Dome vs. Snooki poll btw.

Left: Snooki from Jersey Shore
Right: Providence’s finest Jenny Bomb Dome