So it’s been a couple weeks since our last post, which is almost unheard of, but we figured it was time to let you bitches know that we aren’t floating in a scum-topped pond in Scituate or something equally as wretched by the hands of the Axis of Evil. If that little reference needs any explanation then just look at our last three weeks.

It’s just been hot! Who wants to sit in front of a computer screen and write this crap when there’s sun to soak up and mojitos to down? Moreover, who wants to read this crap when there’s sun to soak up and mojitos to down?!

Not us! But we still find ourselves downtown several nights a week, and therefor still see the bullshit that takes place on a nightly basis. Take for example, Dark Lady’s presentation of the “Queen of Adult Southern Comedy”, Savannah Georgia. Apparently she’s touring, and the show is meant to be “uncensored”, as though there’s someone out there censoring foul-mouthed drag shows… well, maybe in the South. Anyway, very little of it was original content, comprised mostly of cultural parodies of songs by the likes of Lady Gaga and Madonna. The trouble is at the Dark Lady, we’ve heard most of what she “performed”, completely neutralizing any shock or surprise impact that the parody may have ever had to begin with. And on that subject, if you are a local drag queen performer (or not local, this is pretty universal) do not perform parodied popular songs for laughs unless you can guarantee-positively-100% that nobody has ever heard it before! Don’t you realize that Faviana lip syncs all of the words back to you when you’re up there dying on stage because nobody’s laughing?! But we digress…

So this bitch, Savannah Georgia is up there performing just about every cultural parody that she can get Limewire to download (including a particularly painful and bizarre 20th Century TV theme song parody medley, no joke), and while she don’t really know the words exactly (isn’t she “touring” with this material?), the real horror is when she speaks between the songs — it wasn’t her deep, powerful voice (a probably very capable voice if she used it in a performance), it was her treatment of the crowd! You know when The Litter singles you out and while you feel kind of belittled and a little pissed off after, you can basically drink it off pretty quickly. Well when Mzz Georgia sets her sights on you, it’s like being eyed by some rapey clown, and you’re repulsed in the place deep down that made you cry when you sat on Santa’s lap in the mall. Maybe that’s harsh… No, no that’s about right.

The only way to remedy this, of course, was for Ada Adore and our girl Whitney to go to Therapy later that night. Now it took a little effort to get in, on account of being Cape Verdean night (which has never stopped us before, we like it!) because just about every door-person and security man on the way in felt compelled to remind us that it was Cape Verdean night, and that there was no “techno” to be played. We decided with Ada that it was because we were white (and because Ada was sort of white). So we take refuge in the old DJ booth tower for a while to chill with Tony T, the lighting guy (who, incidentally, setup all of the lighting for us at Colosseum last year), and around 4am a fashion show breaks out. Now we’ve been to a lot of fashion shows, but we’ve never seen one start at 4am, it was like Prince’s fashion show or something. So we leave the tower to go get a closer look, and these curvy (really curvy) black and latin chicks are modeling the most ghetto-ass, blinged-out swimwear you can imagine. Obviously it wasn’t meant to be gotten wet, more to be used in a bikini contest somewhere, or removed by R. Kelly in a music video. We all voiced approval.

Left: The Litter in some tent during the Providence Pride celebration, courtesy of nighttimez.com.
Right: the iconic Dorothea Lange photograph, Migrant Mother

Cheer up, Litter!

Left: Seante Sasha on Saturday night
Right: Britney Spears at the 2007 VMAs

Don’t hold back girl, those fireworks is legal now!

Fat Scott and The Litter (a.k.a. our fan club) acting chummy at Dark Lady’s Friday night pride block party.

What a diabolical pair! But what do you think these two have in common?

UPDATE: We now have it from a reliable source that Kitty was attempting to get Fat Scott drunk enough to come over to us that night and start shit!

That Litter sure is crafty!

OMG Pride, why did you do this to us?! We are definitely still in recovery from the very long weekend that was swallowed up by Providence’s Pride celebration — but have no intention of letting that stop us from talking about it now.

Let’s start with the outdoor Pride festival that took place this year on South Water St. In case you didn’t know, this festival has taken place in a variety of places around the city over the last several years, but none as picturesque as this one. The river, the buildings in the background, the perfect weather and breeze coming off the water — every bit of it made for some very pretty pictures. Other than that though, it was a total carnival. “Causes”, charities and mayoral candidates mixed up with Dippin’ Dots, fried dough and awfully tacky pride flag-wear. A complete mess… but we knew it would be and headed straight for the booze tent! That of course, is where we found everyone we knew — which turned out to not be all fun and games. You see, we’re all pretty used to seeing each other in the clubs, in the bars, in the streets — whatever — but at night… And not for nothing, but half of us are looking ROUGH in the daytime! We always joke about how popular Providence’s gay scene would be with the world if we were to be documented by a reality TV film crew, but we’re starting to change our minds — this is not a good look!

So we headed out of that mess and back over to GLO to fix the giant Pride flag we single-handedly installed on the front face of its Clemence St. building, which by the way was fabulous — it’s the only Providence Pride flag in the city that you can see… from spaaaaaccceee.. We finally got back downtown after some… unpleasantness… at the Renaissance Hotel just in time to see the very, very end of the parade, which is pretty much the same every year so we weren’t too broken up and we just headed to the block parties to gather wrist bands before any of the lines got too crazy.

Now it’s no secret that Dark Lady’s block party gets bigger and more ambitious every year (and taller, poor DJ AV8 was stuck atop his DJ tower all night), but this year was just ridiculous — it was even bigger than Mirabar’s, which is an impressive benchmark to surpass especially since the Dark Lady wasn’t even around ten years ago. What we enjoyed most about this party — was that they themed both the Dark Lady and Alleycat not centered around pride, so it wasn’t a total rainbow-fest which everyone by now had had quite enough of. Instead, it was called the Snow Ball, which is obviously so wrong on so many levels, but at least it was refreshing! And hands-down, Alleycat totally had the best party — the music, the vibe, the size, the bubbles and dancers — everything was right. We know this is “bitch”idence, but it honestly didn’t suck at all!

Most everywhere else though was a convoluted mess though. It consistently took 20+ minutes to get a drink, 20+ minutes to go to the bathroom, everything was expensive and it took forever to find people we knew. And did you happen to notice who was added to the Dark Lady’s outside bar that would normally have been over at the Stable????

We found this fabulous posting on the front of a house on Atwells Ave. this afternoon near Don Jose’s, advertising a couple of multi-bedroom apartments. So far as we can tell it’s on purpose, and while we didn’t know that the Litter used to live on Atwells, we appreciate the helpful advice!

You’d really never know if your shiny new apartment used to be a whorehouse!

Okay, so last Sunday (in addition to our weekly Sunday at State — plug, plug, plug) was the annual Miss Gay Pride Pageant, sponsored of course by RI Pride, and probably to benefit AIDS Care Ocean State. Anyway, it took place at Mirabar this year, ever since everyone decided to stop doing events at Gallery (because it’s a dismal, industrial-looking franken-ant-farm of a space) — which is fine by us since Mirabar’s 3rd floor space is beautiful and its killer sound system remains underused.

We didn’t go so we can’t say much, but what we do know is that some fat bitch (whose identity we still do not know) from Massachusetts won the title against several drag messes that were at least from here and participated regularly in the local scene. Now we’re sure that there are no rules that bar anyone from participating based on where they’re from — but shouldn’t there be? Shouldn’t Miss Gay Pride RI actually be from Rhode Island?

If some unknown drag queen from a foreign land swoops in and beats out every local contestant, exactly what does that say about our pride in Rhode Island if we’re happy to have it represented by someone who had to drive five hours to get here?

Thoughts?

While we cringe a little (ok, a lot) at this ad for The Melting Pot, we are no less compelled to let you bitches know about “Boys Night Out”, which we mistakenly thought was every night, to take place officially now this Tuesday at (you guessed it) The Melting Pot — located in one of the locations at the Providence Place Mall that seems to have the highest turn-over rate.

We’re going!

Those unsightly plywood sections finally being removed from the front of Alleycat/New Dark Lady today! They must be finished blasting that paint away from the front of the building on account of that pesky PPS.

Yes, yes, one million times yes! Plus we don’t like boxes anyway…

So in case you’re unaware on account of being uninterested, or just plain uncool, we’re currently in the middle of Providence’s Style Week!

What the hell is that, you ask?

Well it’s basically Providence’s answer to Boston or New York Fashion Week, or any other “fashion week” that takes place around the world — although we have a feeling that Providence’s is called “style week” on account of some legality. But whatever, it’s a great chance for some super-bitchy fashion people to gather together in a series of events, and for us to bask in it! The bitchiness, we mean.

So far it’s been a blast though. We got in touch with Style Week’s founder, Rosanna, because Sunday’s after-party was at State and ran right into our Sunday weekly party at State. Since then, Rosanna’s been super and given us everything needed for a fabulous time — including seats at all of the invite-only shows. We showed up a little early to our night at State on Sunday, only to find the place swarming with lots of pretty and well-dressed people, none of which we knew and all of which knew one another. But they all warm up the more we see them!

Monday afternoon we took our girl Ada and ex-Trixx dancer Devon to the Lucille and Mendoza shows at the Renaissance Hotel, got there early for cocktail hour and made it a priority to make ourselves more comfortable with liquor. Then once in the shows, we were able to join Ada in critiquing the the designers’ collections — which we were surprisingly good at (we should be, we do have a fine arts degree for fuck’s sake). We’re going to spare you our thoughts, but Ada did decide that we’re going to collaborate on creating a fashion collection for next year. We’re going to assume that Ada would be doing most of the work, while we’d just concentrate on cutting holes in convenient places to maximize sluttiness…

Tuesday we showed up back at the Renaissance Hotel, which by the way does not have the best event space setup, for the Yellow Clover and MadMOIselle shows. Yellow Clover by Sarah Proust was fantastic and MadMOIselle just wasn’t finished and had seams and strings everywhere. We do not have expertise in fashion design, but even we could see it — not good! So now we’re watching closely for split seams and whatnot, and who do we spot across the runway? Parrys Hampton herself… and her little dog too! Who knew she was into fashion???

Kidding! We actually had a lot of fun with her and her dog between the shows over a glass of wine (three actually).
Up later this week we have another show with Ada at Hotel Providence and then the Jonathan Peters show on Saturday!

Meanwhile today, RI Pride is attempting their own version of a fashion show (an underwear fashion show, because us gays are equipped to appreciate little else) poolside at the Regency hosted by Jackie DiMera and Haley Star. Poolside in the rain! We’re also certain that they’re making damn sure to parade poor Mr. Gay RI, Ben Huber in his underwear by the pool for all he’s worth… that’s what they get for biting off of Style Week with some tasteless drag-driven strip show!

You betta work!