It’s Pride season, bitches, and we brace for it. And we’ve just started.

Why do we brace for it? Because it’s a damn mess!

And it’s because we like the drama. Well, we don’t — you do. Before we get too far ahead though, let’s go back. We know that Mr. Chris Harris would probably rather us all forget about Military Ball last Sunday night at Therapy, but let’s re-hash anyway, you know, before we actually do forget.

Military Ball wasn’t always at Therapy, you know. A few years ago before the unpleasantness that lead to Chris Harris letting his bar staff conduct open bar at Roxy for two hours, it was at Roxy! And it was fantastic. And then it was at Therapy for a couple years and it was fantastic there too! But something happened this year that was probably inevitable, it began to suck. And Harris knew it, you could tell because he got wrecked and left early… Attendance wasn’t bad exactly, it just wasn’t lasting — there was no show, no headlining DJs (yes, Joe and Dena are lovely people, but you know Harris got them both way cheap specifically for the night), and frankly the whole night felt a little forced.

In years past, hosting the gay community at Therapy was kind of a risky bet; not everyone knew that there wasn’t normally a bar there, the little dark back rooms turned immediately into sex rooms and cruising halls, and the big room feel of the main room felt like nothing else in the city — you might have forgotten you were in Providence. And in effort to recreate that feeling, Harris installed mesh netting in the dark back hallways (because the old sex rooms were now blocked by the downstairs DJ booth) to encourage sexual activity, and we caught Harris a couple times unscrewing light bulbs in the mens’ bathroom! He even kept the bar open late for bitches could think that this crazy after-hours club was a total free-for-all — put simply, it was just forced.

No drag queens, no trannies, no regular Providence crews (except us, of course). And it closed down, lights on and everyone out by 5am — we were on the dance floor later than that the night before!

So whatevs, thanks for that. Pride predictions up next…

Well cough up a fast $885,000 and you can!

CLICK HERE for the details on a beautiful, recently renovated “trophy property”
– priced to SELL, SELL, SELL!!

We have it on good authority that this posting is NOT a joke, but it does make us ask a few questions. Like, where did this all come from? And, why choose what is basically craigslist to try and sell a restaurant???

Somethings… well, up!

So last Wednesday at Trannymania, we were treated with the funniest performance we’ve seen in a while. And why was it funny? Because it combines wholesome Disney values with drug abuse, and we all know there’s little people like us find funnier!

Anyhow, Gia Devaroux comes out all frumpy and shit dressed like Mary Poppins, singing the song where she tries to get the kids to clean up their crap — except Gia, with a bag of flour (presumably) turns that spoonful of sugar into a handful of cocaine… and suddenly the increased tempo and Julie Andrews bizarre scat refrain starts to make some serious sense!

Anyhow, here it is, thanks to Miss Jackie Grenga:

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Just click the link, embedding doesn’t always work. Hoe.

Ever go to Trannymania on Wednesday nights and see our crazy-eyed cross-dresser swayin’ back and forth on the stage? Well we’ve spent some time imitating it, even going so far as to suggest that she teach a dance class so as to share this overtly sleazy dance with the world — but still we’ve always wondered where we’ve seen it before!

And here it is, right there in the hooker scene of Full Metal Jacket, appropriately enough. In addition to the dance, which is dead on, there really isn’t much about this scene that doesn’t remind us of Suzie… or Trannymania… or Divine even!

FF to the :46 sec mark for the proof! We can’t stop watching it!

Okay, we’re only going to be slightly ridiculous about this…

So since our post last week about accepting an offer to contribute work to the purposefully-gay local mag GET, we’ve been slowly getting acquainted via email with GET’s publisher Bonnie Simon. Now Bonnie’s been a total peach to us the entire time, very chummy (maybe a little too friendly, too fast) but we didn’t think much of it — just wanted to get some work out and feel satisfied with ourselves.

So we sent over a 500-word article about the dreaded Saaabbbllleee, which, somehow we haven’t gotten into depth in on Bitchidence.com — although the Trannymania blog couldn’t have been more explicit. Anyhow, the article wasn’t lewd and littered with profanity (like you might expect), but it was a little salacious and we certainly weren’t looking to tone ourselves down for GET. Bonnie fucking loved it. Although, that’s all she said — and that’s when we should have started to be suspicious!

You see, we’d already heard from a couple of reputable people that Bonnie was difficult to work with (five, actually), and while we’d made mention to her about Bitchidence.com, we weren’t completely sure that she’d actually visited and read our diatribe — and it turns out that she hadn’t! Now she admitted today that she “dropped the ball” by asking us to contribute to GET (gee, thanks), but seemed completely sincere when she admitted (after finally reading our rather gentle criticism of GET) that her magazine and Bitchidence.com were probably not good matches for one another. And we couldn’t agree more — our porn stars, trannies, drag shows, pageants, bar fights, lube wrestlers, feature films, Fat Scott, and Therapy-Bomb Dome animations have absolutely no place among twelve pages of b&w East Providence restaurant adds, interviews with beleaguered social workers on arcane marriage law, and labored essays bemoaning the word “bitch”. For christ’s sake, that’s our goddamn name!

So here’s us wishing GET a successful future — hopefully blessed with improved production value, clearer purpose and social relevance.

And if you bitches are at all interested in the article we wrote about Sable, you can read it (unedited, and clearly in support of GET) below. It’s kind of wordy and out of date for Bitchidence, but we’ll be damned if Bonnie attempts to print it anyway after another change of heart!

Enjoy!

Sable & the Forces of Gossip

Greetings, bitches. If you’re reading this, or simply scanning through your shiny, new copy of GET ­­– then you’ve stumbled across my very first contribution to this most robust, GLTB-focused local mag. So go you.

If you’re young (or just young upstairs), then you know how many of us tend to substitute an online presence with a real one. Your Facebook wall and your tagged photos are quickly becoming very acceptable versions of you for people to interact with when you’re not physically around (creepy). In the beginning stages of social networks like Facebook, it was our goal to represent ourselves with as much accuracy as possible — though in a totally innocent way — since the internet seemed to be one of the only places you could be gay and truly honest. Unfortunately, nobody five or six years ago would have believed how quickly polite online society could be turned against us.

I’m talking specifically about the infamous (yet still anonymous) Sable, a short-lived local Providence phenomenon. If you were out and about in the bars downtown, or spent more than a few minutes online early last month, you’d have come across her name. The trouble was, “Sable” wasn’t a real person — she only ever existed online; taking time every couple of days to release via Facebook unbelievably juicy details pertaining to anyone and anything else that could get the community to gossip and point fingers. For example, who had sex with who before showing up to their bartending job on drugs prior to getting fired. None of it was true (although what little was true gave the rest traction), but for weeks, “Sable” managed to blend online fantasy with reality, affecting personal relationships and creating social unrest that was both destructive and captivating. Well, until her Facebook account was deleted, anyway. The fallout from such silliness though, is the point of this story. The ongoing hunt to discover the true identity of Sable, although fruitless, became rather dramatic as it threatened to tarnish reputations and derail weekly club nights (Miss Sarah Beyers’ Fusion Tuesdays at Union).

But this was weeks ago, so why bring it up now? Because as stupid as it all really was, looking back it provides us with a rather telling look at the state of Providence’s under-40 gay community — since there are actually two of them — the one we get when you sit around at The Stable on a Sunday afternoon, and the one you find when you’re sitting at home online sifting through someone’s vacation photos of Brazil.

So who the hell was Sable? Well, I still don’t know, but it’s really too bad she wasn’t selling something, because this was an excellent exercise in online viral advertising, and generating unstoppable buzz. That, or we’re all way too susceptible to the whims of some tricky queen. Either way, once we all figure out who she was, after she gets her ass kicked by a few of her own targets, I’ll shake her hand.

see more Epic Fails

Okay we just about shit ourselves when we saw this…

Now we certainly can’t verify this as Providence’s beloved Gallery owner, but we can’t rule it out either! BTW check out the comments on the actual Failblog.org post — they’re just fantastic!

Okay well now that it’s totally on the news, we’re hopping on this!

We found out about this like a week ago, but that doesn’t make it any less funny. We don’t know exactly what the story on NBC 10 said because we didn’t see it — but that doesn’t matter because we know what happened from the people who lived it. Take that, investigative journalism!

So last week, Touch’s manager Richy (whom we know personally) and his friend, former 2xcess dancer Devin, whom you can find pictured here (sort of), were at State for a birthday party. Not unusual, and certainly not unusual for their check to soar into the hundreds of dollars as the night progressed. What was out of the ordinary was when double-trouble decided to screw on the check around the $700 mark — although not without supposedly working out some sort of deal with one of State’s managers first.

So for the following several days, Richy’s been chased around by State’s managers for this cash — and rightfully so, it’s not like it was a $50 tab that could be settled on their next visit. So finally, Richy is tracked down at Touch while at work by State’s two managers and the three disappear into Touch’s back office. In the office, Richy refuses to give the cash up until they threaten to hold his iPhone as collateral, then Richy bolts from the bar and the State guys take the cash directly from the register — squaring up the debt with State.

This leaves Richy with a $700 debt to Touch, which Touch’s owner is now extremely displeased with, obvi. So, in effort to make State look bad here, Touch’s management refers to their security cameras which clearly show State’s managers taking exactly $700 directly out of the register — which was a sloppy thing for them to do — they should have made someone from Touch do it themselves. Now, the story can be twisted any way Touch likes!

Stupid State managers, sneaky Touch bitches!

So last week we were surprised to be contacted by a Ms. Bonnie Simon, publisher of GET Magazine, and regular Bitchidence.com visitor — about nothing less than becoming a contributor to her local publication. In case you’re not aware, GET is one of Rhode Island’s newest GLTB-oriented full-size, glossy magazines that you can often find laying around in restaurants and bars like Downcity (where we just picked up May’s issue) and the Dark Lady. Frankly, it’s what Divine Providence would likely have turned into, given more resources, man power and creativity.

We’ll admit though, we’ve flipped through GET several times over the last few months, and while it’s clearly focused on the Providence’s gay community, it tends to dwell on either the minute details of marriage and adoption law, or other issues that we care even less about. And if we don’t care about what’s in it (there aren’t even any racy photos or tacky personal adds to make fun of), then why should you?

Well it’s since become our little pet project to help GET Magazine change that! And we might not even have to resort to being sleazy! Well, being a little juicay never hurt anyone… Either way, this sounds to us like it’s going to be a lot of fun.

June’s issue is likely to be our first, so will you start reading GET Magazine once we’re in it?

So we bet you’re all wondering what the hell’s going on, right? Maybe? Okay, maybe not but we’re going to tell you anyway!

First, let’s start with what you may know already, which is the Projo police log mini-article about Mr. Mark Mendonca, General Manager down at our pet project, GLO Bar. Here’s the article in it’s entirety, right above the story about the child molestation case and under the heroine trafficking story:

Bar owner arrested on outstanding warrant

The owner of the Glo Bar lounge at 93 Clements St. was arrested at his place of business Wednesday night on a Superior Court warrant charging him with failing to appear in court in a case involving forgery and counterfeiting.

The police said Mark Mendonca, the nightspot’s owner, was originally charged with counts of forgery and counterfeiting in October 2008. He was on personal recognizance until last week when the Superior Court issued a warrant for his arrest for failing to appear.

The downtown nightspot was reportedly packed when the police took Mendonca into custody about 7:30 p.m. He was being held overnight at the police station pending an arraignment Thursday morning.

Richard C. Dujardin

And now the truth! Now we recognize perfectly well the irony of defending something close to us while calling Fat Scott a convicted felon, but when have you known us to knowingly lie? Besides, are you really going to trust the Providence Journal? On anything?

First, we all know perfectly well that Mr. Tommy Menna is the owner of GLO Bar, as was he the owner of Energy — and that Mark’s job is as manager. Second, the case involved a check in Mark’s name written off of an inactive account in a desperate attempt to save one of his dogs that had just been hit by a car in the spring of 2009. The vet, Dr. Jane Linden of Providence River Animal Hospital immediately contacted Providence police and set into motion the case that follows him to this day.

After repeated attempts to pay restitution via the court system (it’s difficult to get the case closed when the prosecutor never shows up), Mark missed a court date on April 24 and a warrant was issued for his arrest.

Meanwhile, Mr. Mendonca has been actively involved in a much different area of the city government, the licensing board, in effort to get the street (Clemence Street) in front of GLO temporarily suspended and incorporated physically into the bar — called expansion of premise. This does several things, it ups GLO’s legal capacity, and it let’s us have block parties for the next few weeks! This is a good thing for a bar that feels like the bat cave in the middle of the day.

The only ones not happy about our block parties would be the surrounding other bars, naturally, and the construction effort taking place directly next door, which currently blocks off the entirety of Clemence Street… for the last several months. With GLO’s premise expanded into the street, the construction workers can now no longer park their vehicles in front of GLO, something they liked doing very much.

So Cinco de Mayo rolls around last Wednesday, and Mark is busy at GLO preparing for what was to be a busy night — when two detectives walk in, find him at the bar and arrest him on the spot. Now we knew from the start that this arrest was purposeful, meaning, he was not pulled over on the highway or something and it was just found that he had a warrant. And on such a busy night, what bigger inconvenience could be imposed on Mark, and by extension the bar that he runs?

We also considered Fat Scott as the culprit, as would be many other peoples’ guess — but we dismissed this because plain and simple, the guy’s not that smart, and he’s certainly not in any position to get the police to do him any favors. Just look at the last favor he got from the police in 2009, getting them to drive his strippers all around Boston — and look how that ended up!

Anyhow, we’ve declined to comment on these developments until a successful conclusion was reached and he was freed, and he was. This morning.

The story isn’t without some funnyness though. While stuck in the ACI last night, someone thought it might be funny to contact the prison and claim that Mark had contacted them earlier in the day, threatening to hurt himself. Now the ACI doesn’t mess around with shit like that and promptly evaluated his mental state (you know, rubber room status), although after explaining this whole story, he was returned to his cell for the rest of the night. Clever bitches, they are.

Now there are some lessons to be learned here. Mainly, if you have unresolved court cases hanging around, be proactive and clean your shit up before the city comes and finds you, or, someone sends the city to come find you… Any good bar manager will tell you that their job extends far beyond what you see when you walk in and order a drink; from dealing with the city (permits, police details, etc.) to liquor distributors, staff, safety and maintenance — there’s an endless supply of people who want your bar’s cash, and many of them are easily pissed off. So just make sure they can’t have you arrested if they don’t get what they want.

So that’s it!

On May 20th, Mark will be present in Providence Superior Court to pay restitution in full, finally closing this case. You bitches are welcome to watch. We may even have a party immediately following.

Well, it’s finally happened. After several years of parties, weird nights and overall tumult, Club Energy’s twisted story has finally come to an end. Honestly though, what else could they have done? Nobody fucking goes there anymore!

In a nutshell, the fuss put up by State Treasurer Frank Caprio’s brother Paul, resident of one of the upstairs condos at 79 Washington St., over the now-defunct 2xcess: Male Zone “dancers” invading Energy last November, and the subsequent noise and sketchiness that ensued prompted a city-lead effort that resulted in the revocation of Energy’s entertainment license. Unwilling to put up the cheese and spring for new sound-proofing around the clubs walls and ceiling required to reinstate the entertainment license, Energy’s sales and attendance drops because now it’s just a hustler bar with XM radio in the background.

So after a quick, unsuccessful bout with a receiver as a possible intermediary solution to save the bar and restore it to its former glory, the bar was probably raped and pillaged, and is now off to some proud new owner — which won’t take long, just look at that fabulous location!

So in effort to drown sorrows, in liquor of course, GLO is having an Energy Closing Party. There will only be one.

Oh well!